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Trial of Leaves: Justin
TribeTwelve: Bridge to Nowhere
Dark Harvest: Log Entry #33
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 Untamed Lands

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Voidmaster
Anxious
Voidmaster


Posts : 70
Current Win Points : 25
Join date : 2010-12-16
Age : 33
Location : Between your dreams, and behind the walls.

Untamed Lands Empty
PostSubject: Untamed Lands   Untamed Lands EmptyTue Feb 08, 2011 12:56 pm

Well, basically, I've been wanting to try my own hand at this Slenderblog thing for a while, and finally got around to it.

http://untamedlands.blogspot.com/

I'd like to know what you guys think. This particular blog is likely not going to be my "good" one. I think of it more as practice, so if you guys think there's something that could be better, please say so. That way, after this one runs it's course, the next one I start can be better.

Thanks in advance for all the comments and criticisms!
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Glomple
Untainted
Glomple


Posts : 47
Current Win Points : 18
Join date : 2011-01-10
Age : 29
Location : USA

Untamed Lands Empty
PostSubject: Re: Untamed Lands   Untamed Lands EmptyTue Feb 08, 2011 1:07 pm

Your writing is pretty good, but here's a few nitpicky things from the 3 posts. It's a little hard to gather a lot of info from just 3 posts.

PLEASE don't do the white writing on black background, it's sort of cliche at this point. Nitpicky, I know, but I think a lot of people get annoyed at that.

Try to develop the character a little more. Yeah, he's a runner, so what? Why should I care if he's about to die or not? Add in some emotional tie, and give him some backstory (why he got stalked, a family member he can contact, etc. etc.), and he'll be a good character.
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Voidmaster
Anxious
Voidmaster


Posts : 70
Current Win Points : 25
Join date : 2010-12-16
Age : 33
Location : Between your dreams, and behind the walls.

Untamed Lands Empty
PostSubject: Re: Untamed Lands   Untamed Lands EmptyTue Feb 08, 2011 1:20 pm

Thanks for the feed back. Smile

I'll try and change the color palette a bit later, that just happened to be the first combination I found that I thought looked good.

Character development is on the way for sure, then.
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Voidmaster
Anxious
Voidmaster


Posts : 70
Current Win Points : 25
Join date : 2010-12-16
Age : 33
Location : Between your dreams, and behind the walls.

Untamed Lands Empty
PostSubject: Re: Untamed Lands   Untamed Lands EmptyThu Mar 31, 2011 8:55 pm

Series is definitely on hiatus for now.

I tried to write it during college because I thought I'd be able to pull it off. Apparently not so much. The series isn't over, I'm just too busy to really give it the attention I want to now. If I do this I want to do it well.

After school is over, this thing is going to get back in gear.
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