Old Spice Spoofs

I think it's about time for this. Make your own version of the Old Spice guys speech and post it here. For example,

Look at your life
Now back to me
Now look at your life
Back to me
To your benefit, you have not met me
But you can meet me with the almighty power of suicide
Suicide will make you a dead, man
So go ahead and get suicide
I’m on a horse.

Look at yourself.
Now back at me.
Now back at yourself.
Now back to me.
Sadly, you are not me.
But you could be,
If you'd stop trying to avoid the fact that yes, you are a post whore.

Look at your dick.
Now back to me.
Now back at your dick.
Sadly your dickery level is not as big as mine.
But it could be.
Be the man your dick wants you to be and troll the fuck out of everyone.
I'm on cocaine.

Hello, gentlemen.
Look at your woman.
Now back to me.
Now back at your woman.
Now back to ME!
Sadly, she isn't as insane as I am.
But she could scathe the surface of my insanity if she would stop obsessing over Twilight and start reading actual literature.
Look down.
Look back up.
Where are we?
We're on a ghost ship, with the woman your woman could be as crazy as.
What's in my hand?
I have it.
It's a human skull, and in it's mouth are tickets to the upcoming ball game.
Look again.
The skull is now DIAMONDS!
Anything is possible when you're insane.
I am on a dragon.

Hello, Internet.
Look at yourself, now back to me, now back at yourself, now back to me. Sadly, you aren't
me, but if you.....
No, wait, I'm sorry.
There is no way you could be as awesome as me.
I apologize for misleading you.



I'm on a horse.

Hello, Omega. How are you? Fantastic.

Does your blog look like mine? No. Can it cover the same material as mine? Yes. Can it be as good as mine? I don't know. Do you like owning your own URL? Do you like a staff who can update for you while you sit back and relax? Of course you do.

AFFILIATE! With the best blog in the Slenderverse!

So, Omega, should your site be more like mine?

...You tell me.

Hello, world, look at your pirate ship, now back to mine, now back at your pirate ship,
now back to mine. Sadly, it isn’t mine, but if it stopped wallowing in the water and had some jet engines strapped to it, it could fly like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on an airship that your ship could be like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it,
it’s a treasure map leading to the moon. Look again, the map is now diamonds. Anything is possible when your pirate ship is a Lun Class Ekranoplan. I’m on a horse.

Look at your mask.
Now back to mine.
Now back to your mask.
Now back to mine.
Sadly, your mask isn't as cool as mine.
But if you stopped working for McDonalds and started working for the Operator, you could have a mask as cool as mine.
Look down.
Look up.
Where are you?
You're in an abandoned house with the mask your mask could look like.
What's in your hand?
Back at me.
I have it; It's an unmarked bottle of pills.
Look again.
The pills are now diamonds!
Anything is possible when you work for a tall faceless man in a suit.

I'm on a horse.

Hello darlings,
Look at your spoofs,
Now back to mine,
Now back at yours,
Now back to mine.
Sadly, you don't have my wit or raw talent
But if you were English then maybe you could write half as well as me.
Look down
Back up
Where are you?
You're in a terrible country that still has a queen but produces awesome people.
What's in your hand?
Back at me
I have it- it's two tickets to the ballet, and a fountain pen!
Look again.
MY WORDS ARE NOW DIAMONDS...
Anything is possible when you're Anglican and have poet's hair

I'm on a horse.


A horse made of words.

Moriarty wrote:....right half as well as me.

Yes, I wish I could right as well as you English folk.

Aha!

That was a test my dear Omega - and you passed!
With flying colours, I might add!


Please don't tell anyone...

Look at your masky, now look at mine.
Now look at your masky, NOW TACKLE FUCKING EVERYTHING.

Look at your Pokemon.
Now back to mine.
Now back to your Pokemon.
Now back to mine.
Sadly, your Pokemon aren't as great as mine.
But if you stopped living at home suckin' yo momma's titties you might be able to challenge me.
Look down.
Back up.
Where are you?
You're at the Pokemon League.
What's in your hand?
Back at me.
I have it; it's a few pokeballs.
Look again.
The pokeballs are now badges!
Anything is possible when you're a Pokemon Master.

I'm on a Lapras.