Slender Blog Critiques

Hey guys so I was sitting here and reading through some of my recent posts for the Delmonts (because when I have too much time I read my old stuff to try and see if I'm keeping the voices the same and clear) and it occurred to me that, while it is good for me to read through my stuff and make sure I'm accomplishing what I want, that only takes me so far.

Would it be alright to ask some of you, even if it's just one person, to critique my blog(s) and tell me what I could work on, what you would like to see from the Delmonts, etc? I figure we could also use this thread to critique any other blogs that wish to have thought out responses as well, so anyone can use this. Um, unless this has already been made or something. In which case tell me and I'll delete this thread.

But yes, to summarize, I wish to have anyone critique my blogs and tell me what I could improve and/or do for any or all of the three. Keep in mind that while I do have a time line up until the end of this year planned, there is always something that can be improved. Thank you!

My Blogs:
A note to those just starting the three: Time to Talk is the original blog created. Get Your Game Face on was a stand alone for a little while in the beginning, and The Eleventh Hour was created after Time to Talk. It would be best to read Cathy and Tony's blogs before Cynthia's, as hers can be very confusing.
Cynthia- The Eleventh Hour
Tony- Get Your Game Face On
Cathy- Time to Talk

I'm reading through "The Eleventh Hour" right now, so I'm going to tell you what I think about it while I read it. I'm not even close to being through though.

I've got two major problems with it. First: How old is Cynthia? Sometimes she uses outright Baby Speak, but then she jumps over to phrases and words I would imagine from the mouth of a twenty-year-old at least. So yeah... Maybe it's just her being

Spoiler:

proxied

though and the problem will solve itself later on.

The second problem is that half of the time, I've got no idea what's going on, even with reading the comments. It would be helpful if there was a link or something that told new readers to have a look at time to talk first, for decreasing confusion.

Apart from that I'm not far yet, I have to confess. And I didn't even delve into Time to Talk and Get your Game Face on yet, so I might say some other things as soon as I have. After all, your blogs do have a good reputation, and 11th hour might just be the one that convinces the least as a standalone thing.

You should optimise its' standalone powers, though.

Still Remains Within
-this is the "main" blog to the new Fear Mythos, which you can find more about here.

The Shower Scene.
-the references here only makes sense after reading Still Remans Within.

The Hunter
- Just started.

Broeckchen wrote:I'm reading through "The Eleventh Hour" right now, so I'm going to tell you what I think about it while I read it. I'm not even close to being through though.

I've got two major problems with it. First: How old is Cynthia? Sometimes she uses outright Baby Speak, but then she jumps over to phrases and words I would imagine from the mouth of a twenty-year-old at least. So yeah... Maybe it's just her being

Spoiler:

proxied

though and the problem will solve itself later on.

The second problem is that half of the time, I've got no idea what's going on, even with reading the comments. It would be helpful if there was a link or something that told new readers to have a look at time to talk first, for decreasing confusion.

Apart from that I'm not far yet, I have to confess. And I didn't even delve into Time to Talk and Get your Game Face on yet, so I might say some other things as soon as I have. After all, your blogs do have a good reputation, and 11th hour might just be the one that convinces the least as a standalone thing.

You should optimise its' standalone powers, though.

First off- thank you for critiquing the weakest one! <3 I knew out of all of them, that one would have the most problems, so your opinion really helps!

Cynthia is actually eleven years old. The reason for her switching to-and-from baby speak and then using words an older person would use...well, there is a reason for it. The main reason is because she is a proxie, but there are a few other explanations which will actually be revealed soon on her blog. I know that's the most confusing bit because the way she talks changes rapidly- it's something I know I've always struggled to write. If you have any tips on how to make it less confusing for the reader, I'd love to hear! (Also I can guarantee that she will eventually reach a point where her voice is solid and not ever-changing. It'll just be a while from now.)

That is a good point. I had really forgotten that there would be any new readers who want to read the blogs. I'm unsure of where I could write this though. I can definitely change it on this thread, and hopefully the word could get around that Time to Talk is the original. >.>;

That is obviously fine! XD By the way, do you have any tips for making Cynthia's blog a bit more strong as a stand alone, even though it is connected to the other two? I would love to make it much better, because I know it lacks. Thank you! <3

Alright, I read about two more pages by now. First...

Spoiler:

The posts of the innocents were great. Real and evil horror. I felt my heart cringe at them.

Now to the answer to your question. The three things I can instantly think of are:

1.) Make it easier to get into the blog. If 11th Hour doesn't work without Time to Talk, you have to drop a little connection there at the beginning. When in doubt, make Cynthia comment on her own first blogpost to bring some clarity into everything (if that's appropriate plotwise). Or you could let Cathy have a cameo there with a comment like "Reading this still breaks my heart." In the very beginning.

2.) The comments... In the beginning, you handled them very well - Cynthia summarised them and her replies to them in the blogposts, so I didn't have to read through all of them. Later on, you drop that method - although it benefited the blog. With having to read through 40+ comments sometimes, the blogposts turn into tl;dr things for me. Which is especially irritating when Cynthia doesn't seem to have much to talk about in her blogposts anyway, so I find myself thinking: "DAMMIT CYN! IF YOU HAVE NOTHING IMPORTANT TO SAY TELL ME WHAT'S IN THE COMMENTS!" That's a problem of most Gen3/Gen4 blogs, so don't feel too bad about it - just change it.

3.) Insert plot here. I really don't mean to offend you, but does 11th Hour have an own plot at all? Because it doesn't look like that. Cynthia references things that happen in other blogs all the time, be it Robert being captured or the hiding place of Cathy burning down. She doesn't even give out links though, which makes it useless as a"blog newspaper" and the blog doesn't seem to have any story to tell in itself. The few short occasions where there is progress (like in the innocents-arc) are awesome and chilling. But they're wrapped in far too much "Hai guise, I'm fine, you?"-posts without any real content. If you want to have character development in there instead of plot, I'd advise you to let Cynthia talk more about herself... about her past, her relationships to others, her likes and dislikes... If she is sitting alone in the darkness all day only coming to life for a few minutes to type new blogposts, hint to that. If she does other things, tell them. Otherwise, the blog gives a stiff and empty impression and the reader looses interest after some time.

So tl;dr: SHOW the readers where it connects to and how, help them coping with the comments and enhance the blogposts content-wise. The main problem of 11th Hour is pacing, so try to adjust that a little.

Exhausted By Wackness

I started off involving the Slender Man (and frankly, I did so with little finesse), but the blog is sort of moving towards a different situation. Thanks again if you take the time to critique.

EDIT: Might as well review a blog too, not just link and slink on out.

I like the writing style of your blogs (well, the one I read consistently, which is Get Your Game Face On), Delmonty, and I feel that your characterization is really fleshed out across the board. Tony's a pretty amusing fellow, and manages to nail that "hardass with a heart of gold" archetype flawlessly. The way in which you move forward with his story feels nature, not rushed, and I find it appealing that the filler is lacking and it dives into the meat of the situation. The only critiques I've got seem to match up with Broeckchen's - there seems to be a lack of an overarching connection between some events that happen to Tony at certain instances. Or maybe it's just because I'm not really following the other two blogs that closely. From what I've read, Tony meets up with Ava, they go and try and rescue Robert, Ava gets caught, and then they head over to Thage's after they finish with that whole spiel. But why? I suppose that's the problem with occurrences that happen over a lot of blogs. If the interconnectedness factor was played up a bit more, maybe it would add to the experience. I dunno.

Just my two cents.

Snore, this thread is not for your critiques. Please don't hijack Delmonty's thread. After you have posted more and become part of the community then feel free to make a thread for your blog.

Delmonty's post about says that the thread can be used for anyone who
desires a critique. But yeah, it's pretty rude of me to just plug and run like that.

I sincerely apologize for the social
faux pas. Don't want to ruffle feathers and all that.

Also reposted this here as to not seem like I'm replying retroactively.

I did miss that one sentence and I apologize. It's quite alright and as long as you stay no one will have a problem. I'll take a look at yours after I finish Del's.

I rather like your typing style, Snore, as I said, it reminds me of an emcee pumping the crowd up for the next act. There's something lyrical to it. As far as storyline, I'll let Jeebles tackle that and then blame him for something later.

Rule #1 of the mythos. It's all Jeebles' fault. You can thank Thage for making that canon on her blog.

Rule #2: In the event Jeebles is not, in fact, at fault, refer to Rule #1 and continue to Rule #3.

I don't have a Slender Blog at all, but I'm sure the author of Vivere Disce would enjoy a critique on her work. And I'll do some criticisms myself if I ever get time.

Also, if anyone were to quell a certain someone's self awareness, that would be greatly appreciated

But that would be cool if you won't. I'm just naturally self conscious about stuff like this.

Spoiler:

altiumvidetur wrote:I don't have a Slender Blog at all, but I'm sure the author of Vivere Disce would enjoy a critique on her work. And I'll do some criticisms myself if I ever get time.

My, what a coincidence. You don't have a Slenderblog too?

I'd love to give your some good reviews already, but long blogs are long. So I'll read through the Monty ones first, then Vivere Disce, then that Dreamer thing. (x.x)