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 Slender Blog Critiques

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Broeckchen
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu May 12, 2011 7:38 am

Oh, my bad, I'm sorry. :3
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Michenab
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu May 12, 2011 12:33 pm

Omega wrote:
Broeckchen wrote:
Michenab wrote:
But that's why we love dear old Setoth. Everyone needs a rambler. <3 /obviousbias

*smirk* Critique is not to be used to justify yourself against it, but to accept it. (Or not...)

He's the author of Father of Light, not Vox.

Besides, who doesn't love a rambler? Right?
(Actually, tbh that'd be my primary complaint against Vox as well)

An author. Wink

And it wasn't justification (though this statement is, ironically), but just having fun. I welcome criticism from you all (even if no one says anything more detailed than "dull" Rolling Eyes ).
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Setoth93
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu May 19, 2011 9:16 pm

Seann wrote:

Discuss Death Metal!
(Like a boss!)

First off, thanks for the critique. I've been working on my writing so all criticism is appreciated.

All that being said, I'm not much of a slenderblogger, I was just kinda phoned in to write Vox because I'm not an awful writer (just a mediocre one). I have no intention of actually sticking around after the story is written. Just wanted to point out that Watain isn't Death Metal. It's Black Metal. I originally just ask Michenab to post that little factoid, but the rest of the crew bitched at me for not having an account. So I've made this one with the intention of abandoning it, just to spite them.



Enjoy.

Also, Omega and Michenab are telling me to tell something about feeding some dude named Jeebles. Kalius says to specify it as a "DICK MUFFIN" [Emphasis not mine].
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Mr. Jeebles
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu May 19, 2011 9:33 pm

Setoth93 wrote:


Also, Omega and Michenab are telling me to tell something about feeding some dude named Jeebles. Kalius says to specify it as a "DICK MUFFIN" [Emphasis not mine].

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Alder
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri May 20, 2011 6:05 am

Setoth93 wrote:
Seann wrote:

Discuss Death Metal!
(Like a boss!)

First off, thanks for the critique. I've been working on my writing so all criticism is appreciated.

All that being said, I'm not much of a slenderblogger, I was just kinda phoned in to write Vox because I'm not an awful writer (just a mediocre one). I have no intention of actually sticking around after the story is written. Just wanted to point out that Watain isn't Death Metal. It's Black Metal. I originally just ask Michenab to post that little factoid, but the rest of the crew bitched at me for not having an account. So I've made this one with the intention of abandoning it, just to spite them.



Enjoy.

Also, Omega and Michenab are telling me to tell something about feeding some dude named Jeebles. Kalius says to specify it as a "DICK MUFFIN" [Emphasis not mine].

Fuck yeah Watain!


Last edited by Alloflifedecays on Fri May 20, 2011 10:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Seann
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri May 20, 2011 6:36 am

Setoth93 wrote:
Just wanted to point out that Watain isn't Death Metal. It's Black Metal.

*embarrassed* Fixed it.
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Snore-De-Bliss
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri May 20, 2011 4:21 pm

Exhausted By Wackness

Hopefully this is a long enough time period to repost my blog hoping for a critique, but I feel I need a bit of direction with the story and the more suggestions I have from potential readers on where to go, the better.

Much love, thanks again to everybody.
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SliceandDice
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Sat May 21, 2011 3:45 pm

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas My blog has finally ended, I put

Live in The Light

http://liveinthelightfight.blogspot.com/

up for final reviews and analyses. In return I'll be doing a rundown of my latest reads in this thread shortly.
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Mon Jun 06, 2011 6:39 pm

okay folks I'll be doing an 'as it happens' critique on this post, so be forewarned.

I choose as my target for this, a blog somewhat related to mine, but secondhand. So Lucien Drage....THIS...IS...YOUR...BLOG XD

apologies if you didn't ask for one, I felt like giving a review, so tell me to take it down if you disapprove.

First off, I love the idea of paranormal investigators, I always felt Fizzy could've done more with that. good to see someone else uses that angle.

oh look, Remmy left some comments back here! Heh he's such an ass.

claw marks in IR or whatever that is, is cool, not overly slendy but still supernatural and cool, ahh its a handprint, okay

Title dropping at the end sounds like a Wild Kingdom special XD cheesy, but not necessarily bad. I can see Lucien sort of rolling his eyes at his own comment

fridge logic: How do you know there's three bags if the third hasn't been found? At least we know that that's why Slendy needs his 20 dollars...

I think I figured out one thing so far, Lucien mentions his girlfriend but not her name. She, so far, doesn't seem like a person yet, there's no sense of her at this point.

Using the horses you work with is a good point

I like the comparison of insanity to deliriousness

lots of horse accidents, but they don't seem quite frightened...

more to come later
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Blue Eyes
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Mon Jun 06, 2011 7:33 pm

[url=keeptothetrails.blogspot.com]Keep to the Trails[/url]

It hasn't gotten very far. But I'm so unsure about everything.....Opinions?
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Tue Jun 07, 2011 1:36 pm

Inspired by zero's review, I've decided to do my own review of Into The Truth (which I've been meaning to binge for a while).

WARNING: This review is very stream-of-consciousness and the only editing I did was to put italics and bold tags on it. This is pure, raw opinion with no holds barred. Offense will be taken. Also, it's really long.

The introduction sequence is really pretentious and full of annoying rhetorical questions. Lots of false or made-up information in the post of what's supposed to be common knowledge about Slender Man.

"That doesn't look like a handprint."

How did Lucien know there was a third bag containing his hands?

Two bad things happen on one street, two decades apart. CONNECTION.

Referencing Zeke and Marble Hornets is really bad filler and potentially spoileriffic for anyone who hasn't gotten that far. In general, referencing other series too much. Very annoying.

Someone was shot in America, which has the highest gun-crime rates in the First World, and this is somehow newsworthy.

The cane-sword is too ridiculous for this character to pull off. It would need to be someone more audacious, like Maduin or Arkady.

Feeling sorry for someone and pitying someone are the same thing.





I WAS ATTACKED, WHICH SOMEHOW REQUIRED A PARAGRAPH-SIZED SPACE EITHER SIDE OF THE STATEMET TO EXPLAIN




The description of the first proxy attacks flip-flops between the present and past tenses with no rhyme or reason, this was a problem in earlier entries too but it is most jarring here.

When Lucien informs us that he, a 25-year-old stablehand who lives with his parents, has a lot of weapons, I get a sudden vision of Lucien's father coming home late one night, Lucien assuming he's a proxy and clubbing him to death with a mace. Also, his armaments are highly unrealistic; you could probably get replicas of such items with little difficulty but you'd have to go to a specially-trained blacksmith to get authentic medieval melee weaponry and, funnily enough, I don't imagine that New Jersey has a whole lot of medieval blacksmi--wait. Wait a minute. Did...did he just call it a clerical mace? Are you fucking kidding me!? This is supposed to be real life, not Dark Age of Camelot!

Oh and then he wants to get more weapons. Oh dear. This man needs to be locked up. When he fears attack, he goes straight for the killing options. There are literally no non-lethal weapons on his list. Seriously. He is a danger to himself and his family. Someone call the police.

Ah, more blog referencing, except that, despite the fact they have never been previously referenced within the blog, Lucien expects us to instinctively know who Sammie and Storm are. Also, animal proxies. Narm alert. Narm alert.

Forgive me if my medical knowledge is wrong, but doesn't cold make muscle injuries worse? I'm pretty sure that it's heat you want. The font change is unnecessary and makes it harder to read. I had to actually get my glasses to read it and they're normally for reading things that are ten feet away. Then the dream itself pulls the amazing feat of gamejacking Core Theory, which is sort of like a wall hitting a car. Impressively unimpressive.

The next post continues with the dreams. It looks like Lucien is trying to set himself up as the Core Theory's Guardian. Even though Robert was already the Guardian and the Core Theory arc had already finished when the blog was started. Not to mention that Core Theory failed miserably.

Okay, I have to admit, reconstructing the dream book is a pretty cool idea. But then he says he's carrying a concealed claw. "One can never afford to have too much protection." Yes, yes you can, especially when you think you're being stalked by a horrifying eldritch abomination and his brainwashed minions;

Kindly Old Man: *taps Lucien on shoulder* "Excuse me, sir--"
Lucien: *turns around and stabs him in the face with the claw* "BEGONE, FIEND."

"Thanks to my years in tae kwon do"; how do you have years in a sport? I would understand if it was "years of practice" or "years of training", but...it's not. Also, Lucien is starting to get very Sue-ish at this point, pulling new skills out of his arse as the plot demands and being excellent at all of them. It does't help that he summarily makes Slender scream like a cat

Then comes the picture-dump. Honestly, the only one that didn't look like something from a weeaboo's wet dream was the book cover. Whose symbol, incidentally, is not hard to explain at all, it's a palmette or anthemion. Lucien could have at least mistaken it for a fleur-de-lys, but apparently this symbol was just too complex for Lucien to explain.

Oh dear, that is so mysogynistic. "I know that I am the youngest of the three kids, I know that she is the oldest, but I am the only boy. I still feel it's my job to protect my sisters, and with this happening, I failed." I'm not even a feminist and I got offended by that. Wow.

In the singular use of the word "fraidy cat", Lucien has de-aged by twenty years in my eyes. I am now struggling not to view the blog as written by a five-year-old. MORE TENSE FLIP-FLOPPING. IT BURNS MY LANGUAGE NERD EYES.

Hmmm, more gratuitous blog referencing. More Core Theory, but not just gamejacking it, now it's being rewritten. Next post, more gratuitous blog referencing. Like, honestly, at least with most other blogs, the person links to the blog in question and, in some cases, the post in question, but Lucien just talks about these people as if it's only logical that anyone reading Into The Truth is also reading every blog he comments on.

"I...........choose...........my..............life!" I...........choose...........to end............my..............life............to............avoid............more............narm............and...............badly-done...............ellipses!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand then we have the egowank with all those titles. If narm was radioactive, my Geiger counter would sound like television static.

The dream seems blunt and obvious. More egowank. Also, at what point did Slendy become Voldemort?

Next post sounds like a ten-year-old explaining the plot of a horror film. More ellipses. Thankfully free of egowank, though.

Oh, it looks like the egowank may have just been a temporary thing. That's nice, knowing that something is stupid and deciding to drop it. A sign of maturity, of a good writer. I'm suddenly a lot more hopeful about this blog.

More egowank. Getting involved in other people's plots without good reason. No setup, just diving right in there. I don't even know who Darby is but, sure, get your blog, which I am trying to enjoy, involved in her blog with absolutely no background or explanation, causing me to be left in the dark.

Why is it needless to say that Lucien is close to the cops in the town? I've never met more than four of the people my father works with and I used to go to his place of work every day when I was young. These cops also need a serious investigation from internal affairs if they're willing to let a mentally-unstable stablehand with a variety of illegal arms look through their case files. More egowank.

There's something important we apparently need to know about missing persons cases; the missing persons aren't always found. Also, the policeman actually beliefs a bunch of kidnapped children when they say their kidnapper had no face. Right, that explains why they're letting a mentally-unstable guy look at cases; that's the basic description of how this station handles all their cases. Since they are clearly fucking crazy.

Right, videodump. Then we get an explanation for those of us not privileged enough to be able to watch the video. Bog-standard proxy attack. He talks about the lake, nothing special...OH MY GOD. Ladies and gentlemen, here we have the first appearance of the ellusive normal ellipsis (...). I am encouraged by this. Time to keep going. Also, you will notice that I have stopped pointing out the egowank. It's just a facet of the blog now.

Okay, I don't normally like to comment on the comments, but Lucien's argument with Kay is so childish. "Besides, I'm not allowed to go to a lake and the woods there, but you're allowed to go all the way to the Pine Barrens?" Also he makes reference to "local friends", who have, mysteriously, never been mentioned before. Up until this point, I had been given the impression Lucien was a loner who worked, hung around with his girlfriend and played video games. Apparently, I was wrong and he has friends. Perhaps they'll even show up in the blog. That'd be nice, I'm getting bored of the current cast.

"Afterall, who can resist free drinks?" A teetotaller. Or someone who isn't a cheapskate. Or both. Anyway, Officer Irresponsible "Donnie" McCrazypants is back and discussing a kidnapping victim's private medical information with some guy in a pub. I can smell a lawsuit in between the clouds of sweat particles from Lucien's daily egowank. He even tells Lucien, a mentally-unstable stablehand with a variety of illegal arms, where to find her. Is this rampant and flagrant abuse of civil rights a pan-American thing or just confined to New Jersey? Because apparently, it makes more sense to harass a mental patient for information than the victims who have moved on and built stable lives, which would make them more comfortable and capable of answering questions. Also, Officer McCrazyPants still believes the kidnapper actually had no face. Lolwut.

Diana, Part 1: Apparently, it's less conspicuous for Lucien to write everything that happens down instead of, say, carry a concealed tape recorder. Also, holy shit, Officer McCrazypants is allowing Lucien to impersonate a cop in order to get information for his own personal use out of a crazy person. Like, he didn't re-open the case and get Lucien temporarily sworn in so he could help (somehow). He is actually letting Lucien break the law. Repeatedly. Fucking hell. Also, since when is Officer McCrazypants looking for another missing kid? Did one go missing in the few days between his drinking session with Lucien and taking Lucien to the institute? Or is he lying to help Lucien get information from her? This is getting seriously creepy. I am really scared for this girl.

Diana: Part 2: First of all, what's with the punctuation change? It's annoying and pointless. Also, Diana is helping Lucien for some reason. Who is apparently a big fish too. There are "plans" for him. If this is more Sueish chosen one bullshit, I will be sorely disappointed. If he's a pawn being manipulated by greater powers, I will be delighted. THE ELLIPSES. THEY'RE BACK. NOOOOOOO. And why is it for another night? Why can't he just tell us shit? What if he dies before he can explain things? Christ, this Lucien guy is a moron.

Next up...who the fuck are Nebula and Vindicta? Oh wait, he's picking up a plot from...a month ago, with no foreshadowing and no explanation for anyone who is not reading these other blogs. Charming.

Then, in the next post, he publicly announces which hospital he and Sammie are in so that Kay can find him. As oppose to texting or emailing her and, y'know, not giving away his location to proxies. Oh dear, I thought we'd left the rhetorical questions behind, but, no, here they are. More action hero bullshit. Yes, Lucien, publicly announcing that you're going to go to Kay's is a great way to not have you both killed simultaneously.

Right, next we find out about his time with Kay. Make reference to Cynthia without explanation and gives a hideously unfair spoiler to anyone who reads this before reading the Delmont Blogs. Oh, and we have a video-using proxy. You know why I'm so involved in the blogosphere? Because I can't watch videos. This video better be explained in the next post.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand there's no explanation of the proxy's video. Oh dear, black text-on-grey background. I have to highlight this to read it properly, which is an unnecessary inconvenience. Protip: readers hate unnecessary inconveniences. I am a reader. I hate this.

Okay, more Diana stuff, MORE ELLIPSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES, standard Slendy death, nothing special. Right, Donnie thinks Lucien, a mentally-unstable stablehand with a variety of illegal arms who has done nothing to help the police at all, may be a great asset to the case, i.e. more Sueish egowanking. Lucien seems really desperate to make himself sound important. I'm surprised he didn't add "citizen consultant to the police" or "great asset to the case" to his titles. More bloginfodumping.

Jesus, this is just the stupidest, whiniest, most pathetic post I've come across so far. Bitching and whining about playing the hero all the time and never getting help in return. First of all, Lucien, perhaps you should have, y'know, asked for help. Secondly, you are the one who keeps making himself out to be a superhero, why would people expect you to need help with anything. Guh. Sue sue sue sue. Melodramatic proxy moment. While losing his mind, he apparently has time to code. Right.

Oh, he didn't write the post. Makes sense. More spoilers for anyone who hasn't read AHoS.

Another video I can't watch posted with no explanation. Right, according to the next post, there was a mask involved. That's all I know. Very helpful. Post after that; the mask is the remote control from Click. Okay, that's actually somewhat original for the Mythos, if a bit cliché and narmy. I approve.

Full post of code. Extremely irritating filler. The translation is melodramatic and overdone; once again, it's the stuff of pulp fantasy rather than the Mythos.

...Lucien ran for twenty minutes, then up the stairs of the Empire State. Lolwut.

THESE ELLIPSES MAKE ME WEEP TEARS OF INFANT SORROW. Holy shit, if you take out the unnecessary double spacing, there are actually more lines of titles than of information in this post. Holy shit.

I reiterate; "Full post of code. Extremely irritating filler. The translation is melodramatic and overdone; once again, it's the stuff of pulp fantasy rather than the Mythos." He's even called the Count for fuck's sake.

Ooh, some potentially interesting backstory. Oh, Lucien Drage isn't his real name. Never saw that coming. This backstory is just...out of place, to be honest. It adds nothing to the story. At all. If someone asks you to confess the truth, you don't pull brand new backstory out of nowhere, you reveal some unreliable narration on your part. This is pointless.

The new arc starts with a video that I can't watch. Great. I have no idea what's going on.

ELLIPSEEEEEEEES. And apparently the video contained a symbol, but I never got the chance to ponder on it because of the mixed media format.

And after very, very little suspense, we know who the Count is. Way to prolong an arc.

Car troubles needlessly enumerated on. The Count dresses in a black cloak and throws baseballs at people. Wow. That's...really stupid.

Ah, Lucien is all of a sudden referring to the Path of Black Leaves with, as usual, no explanation about this concept from another blog. Hang on a sec, his car is in shit. How is he going on his vacation?

Lucien wins a load of money, presumably with this Sue powers. The poem is unnecessary and full of forced rhymes. Infodump on other blogs, with loads of spoilers, I might add. Then he takes up leadership of the II and KA, leading to a 50% increase in egowank.

Okay, Slender Man apparently kidnapped one of Lucien's fellow stablehands as part of his dastardly plan to...make Lucien work harder. This just seems...I can't even verbalise how silly that seems to me.

Holy shit, Donnie is the Chief of Police!? And he let Lucien do all those highly illegal things!? No wonder the FBI have gotten involved, the police in the area are obviously rank with corruption. Oh wait, Fisk is involved? Oh, that could actually be interesting. Fisk needs more opportunities to play recurring villain. Another video I can't watch. Great.

Oh god, the ellipses have invaded the post titles. Shit. Oh, and Diana's dead.

"I was in the Path for 5 days. Robert Sage was in there for mere minutes and felt his body being destroyed. Why wasn't mine? I had no broken bones, no bruising or anything of the sort. Just pain. How did my body survive being in there for 5 days?" It's the Sue Skin trait you took the last time you levelled up during the D&D campaign which is your life.

Right, apparently Donnie "deserves" to be infected with Slenderawareness. Charming. Epic blog dump, complete with major spoilers.

Pointless post just before ruining Donnie's life. Equally pointless post about Donnie not showing up. They could have been one post. It may have had a point then.

Ellipses in the title again. More tense flip-flopping but it happens so much it's barely worth pointing out anymore. Donnie's dead but I really couldn't care less. I have not been given a single opportunity to bond with any of these characters, mainly because it's so excessively Lucien-centric. *sigh* Better keep going.

Why is it ironic that it's raining on Donnie's funeral? I don't know.

"The classic "receive a package from somebody who just died" situation. It really seems like it's a movie happening. Except in this movie, there are too many bad endings and nowhere near enough happy ones." Um, the story is still going so there haven't been any endings at all. Hmmm. This folder development is actually an interested plot device. We're getting somewhere now.

Yeah, I'm liking it. These files are interesting, even though I question the point of the list of bloggers. This blog is going somewhere. I hope.

I had to actually stop and whack my head off a wardrobe. Fucking ellipses. References to Kay's predicament but not too gratuitous thanks to their being siblings. And then the pregnancy comes along and we, for some reason, need to be told about his girlfriend's menstrual cycle. I don't even like hearing about my girlfriend's menstrual cycle. Yeesh.

Though I have to admit, it's a step-up in maturity to see Lucien planning to propose, even if he hasn't learned how to space a post properly.

Okay, they're engaged and there's a new video. Okay, I can't even see the videos and I can tell that the stalker is his crazy ex that got shoehorned in for no good reason. Right, okay, at least now she's playing some part in the story, but I still think her backstory could have at least involved something that had a noticeable effect on Lucien's personality. Ah well, let's see where this new arc goes.

Okay, yeah, this proxy is starting to be really creepy, even if I can't see the videos. I really like where this is going, even if it's just about the only thing about the blog I like.

Yeah, this is a good proxy. Kidnapped the girlfriend. Nice move.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm reminded of why I find Amal summoning the Jersey Devil to fight off Slender Man more believable than this blog. A pregnant girl goes missing and the police declare it a cold case after a few days? Right. Yeah. Okay. Let's see what else is here. Oh shocker, it is his ex. Didn't see that coming. Ha, that's sarcasm, though I wouldn't have seen it coming if Lucien hadn't infected himself with a malignant plot tumour by making something totally irrelevant to the story is"great truth". Okay. I'm done.

Now general thoughts;

Main characer is ridiculously pretentious and not in an endearing or parodic way. He's self-important, unrelatable and extremely over-eager to make himself seem like a badass. A pretty good example of a character who thinks he's in either an action movie or a D&D campaign; one of the types of character that turns people off the blogosphere. Admittedly, these aspects have gotten toned down lately but not enough to make me care and not enough to make me follow Into The Truth; the writing is sub-standard and the plot doesn't make up for it, the Slenderstalking was launched into way, way too fast and everytime I saw an ellipsis made of more than three dots, I wanted to gouge my eyes out. I just really can't enjoy this blog at all. Hopefully this review is of some help and you will be able to make the blog more enjoyable for your readers, but, I'm sad to say, I won't be one of them.
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zero
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Tue Jun 07, 2011 8:08 pm

damn Reach, now I'm curious as to a play by play of my blog
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:09 pm

http://drewsboxostuff.blogspot.com/ Feel free to critiquie the hell out of mine.
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:52 pm

Thanks to Reach, I'll never write another review again, because that was epic.
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:12 pm

Well damn Reach.

I'm with zero, I kind of want a play by play of my blog. But it would probably get torn apart in the same fashion this one was.
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 7:28 pm

DAMMIT REACH HOW ARE WE MEANT TO COMPETE WITH THAT?

Please don't do that to my blog. It's scared and fragile.
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:12 pm

I'm tempted to challenge Reach to do a play by play of EB/HitT, but once again I am hit with the need to do more reviews before demanding that my work be reviewed by anyone.

Lessee, so far I've reviewed Vox 93... what else should I do?

(of course, if anyone wants to review EB/HitT anyway, be my guest)
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 10:04 pm

So I'm going to throw my hat in the ring: brighter than a spoon and Ontological. The first is complete, the second is almost complete.

And now onto my review (my first, so tell me if I'm doing it wrong) of a blog I just got finished reading, which was surprisingly excellent: Old Celluloid/Kari's place, collectively titled "The Ache."

The plot: Kari is a primary school assistant with health problems. Simon is her boyfriend who reviews films. A boy in her class starts talking about his "Daddy" whom we quickly realize is our old pal Slender Man and pretty soon things are getting horrific.

The greats: the whole paranoid atmosphere, starting in Kari's blog and then going over to Simon's. Paranoia is a hard thing to pull off well, but the description of the drawings and the photographs - and the fact that the first victim took thousands of photographs, some of which were of supposedly safe places, adds to the paranoia and ramps up the horror. Also: I love the differences between "Daddy" and the Slender Man of the rest of the mythos. Here, "Daddy" uses no human agents, no proxies. It doesn't need to. It can get you anywhere at anytime. And the description of what it does - the stretching of limbs - makes it more grotesque than what we normally see.

Also, I love the excerpts from the Walking Willow book. The excerpts make the whole story start to seem House of Leaves-esque (which is probably intentional, considering HoL is often referenced, but that's okay because I love HoL).

The not-so-great: sometimes, it seems like Kari gets too much access to the police reports. Is it really plausible that a DCI would share the interrogation transcript with her? Also, sometimes it seems things move too quickly. The beginning's slow build it was good, but as soon as Kari spotted "Daddy," things began to move much more quickly. Would they really set her up in witness protection within a week? (Or perhaps I'm conflating things - I read it all in one go.)

All in all: an awesome story portraying a similar-yet-different take on the Slender Man. I look forward to reading more of it.
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SliceandDice
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Thu Jun 09, 2011 10:27 pm

RON.

The first half of your blog was kind of Blah.

BUT THE BOSTON ARC WAS MAD COOL BUT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT THINK IT WAS TOO MUCH. I THINK YOU ORGANIZED ONE OF THE BEST CROSSOVERS EVER.
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Roninator
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:07 am

Yep. I didn't really know what I was doing when I first put it together, so I took a break, thought up a plot, and came back with a plan this time. I'm still shocked I got you, Core, Liam, and a bunch of my pals together for this.
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Konaa
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:11 am

Damn, I could've been part of a Boston arc. xD
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Roninator
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:22 am

Well, there's still plenty of room for you to do something with Boston. The Ruins still exist and it would be easy for Slender Man to reorgnize the proxy stronghold.
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Alder
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:36 am

alliterator wrote:
So I'm going to throw my hat in the ring: brighter than a spoon and Ontological. The first is complete, the second is almost complete.

And now onto my review (my first, so tell me if I'm doing it wrong) of a blog I just got finished reading, which was surprisingly excellent: Old Celluloid/Kari's place, collectively titled "The Ache."

The plot: Kari is a primary school assistant with health problems. Simon is her boyfriend who reviews films. A boy in her class starts talking about his "Daddy" whom we quickly realize is our old pal Slender Man and pretty soon things are getting horrific.

The greats: the whole paranoid atmosphere, starting in Kari's blog and then going over to Simon's. Paranoia is a hard thing to pull off well, but the description of the drawings and the photographs - and the fact that the first victim took thousands of photographs, some of which were of supposedly safe places, adds to the paranoia and ramps up the horror. Also: I love the differences between "Daddy" and the Slender Man of the rest of the mythos. Here, "Daddy" uses no human agents, no proxies. It doesn't need to. It can get you anywhere at anytime. And the description of what it does - the stretching of limbs - makes it more grotesque than what we normally see.

Also, I love the excerpts from the Walking Willow book. The excerpts make the whole story start to seem House of Leaves-esque (which is probably intentional, considering HoL is often referenced, but that's okay because I love HoL).

The not-so-great: sometimes, it seems like Kari gets too much access to the police reports. Is it really plausible that a DCI would share the interrogation transcript with her? Also, sometimes it seems things move too quickly. The beginning's slow build it was good, but as soon as Kari spotted "Daddy," things began to move much more quickly. Would they really set her up in witness protection within a week? (Or perhaps I'm conflating things - I read it all in one go.)

All in all: an awesome story portraying a similar-yet-different take on the Slender Man. I look forward to reading more of it.



AWESOME. I'm really glad you're enjoying it!
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zero
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:25 am

Alloflifedecays wrote:


Please don't do that to my blog. It's scared and fragile.

I know how you feel. I don't think any blog can stand up to such a review
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Shayde
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Fri Jun 10, 2011 7:30 am

I might just chuck this here for a critic...

[url]

http://thingsyoushallsee.blogspot.com/[/url]



I's only around 2 weeks old, but I just want a critical eye to go over what I've done so far, just to say which bits suck, and which bits don't suck as much.

And I will do a critique, but I'll keep it a secret for now Wink (Partially because I'm tired, and partially because I still need to read all of it yet)
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PostSubject: Re: Slender Blog Critiques   Today at 10:06 am

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