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 Family Portraits

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Ladnek
Watched


Posts : 245
Current Win Points : 72
Join date : 2011-06-15
Age : 21
Location : My own imagination...

PostSubject: Family Portraits   Wed Jul 13, 2011 4:57 am

Hey there, guys. I decided to try and make my own Slender-blog. I've only gotten two posts in, so no Mr. Happy yet. I plan on doing a build up to his reveal. So any ways, things are going to be slow for a while, but they'll pick up, I promise. Any advice or criticism in this early age would be most welcome.

http://famportraits.blogspot.com/
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PlanetNiles
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Posts : 17
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Join date : 2011-07-01
Age : 43
Location : Sekrit Lab

PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:43 am

Personally I would have had the girls run away on the day of the killing and then take a few days to find them. Small children surviving on the streets for a month in the US exceeds my boggle factor. I'm not saying it wouldn't or doesn't happen just that it exceeds my ability to comprehend and accept and thus spoils my acceptance of the narrative.

Secondly if the girls had been on the streets a month and their mother had permitted them to remain outwith the home all that time (brutal fuckwit of a partner or not) it is doubtful that the girls would be returned to her without first at least a brief stay in hospital and then social/child services.
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McCheezBurgarz
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Age : 20
Location : Your Window

PostSubject: Cool   Wed Jul 13, 2011 4:58 pm

Cool story, bro.
I meant that though.
I think you should of introduced Kristen in the P.D. as you were introducing Kristen her/his self.
(Kristen can be a guys name)
I also think Kristen was a little to pushy when telling the kids their father was dead.
All in all, it`s pretty good idea.
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Ladnek
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Posts : 245
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Join date : 2011-06-15
Age : 21
Location : My own imagination...

PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:24 pm

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll try to edit it to make it more believable. And once again, thanks for giving it a read!
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McCheezBurgarz
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Posts : 8
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Age : 20
Location : Your Window

PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Wed Jul 13, 2011 10:04 pm

Ladnek wrote:
Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll try to edit it to make it more believable. And once again, thanks for giving it a read!
Scratch Kirsten out, I accidently thought the main char. was Kirsten.
I meant Harold
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The Slender Man
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PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Thu Jul 14, 2011 12:01 am

Good luck on your project my friend.
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Ladnek
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Posts : 245
Current Win Points : 72
Join date : 2011-06-15
Age : 21
Location : My own imagination...

PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:41 am

The Slender Man wrote:
Good luck on your project my friend.
Thank you... Now could you please stop looking in my window? It's hard to concentrate...
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PostSubject: Re: Family Portraits   Today at 11:15 am

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