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 MarkRitter0

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freddyman23
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PostSubject: MarkRitter0   Sun Dec 23, 2012 7:30 am

A new slender man series I made, only two videos are out now but more are coming out soon.

tell me what you think.


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Zephyr_Mal
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:02 pm

Unless this is an homage to Marble Hornets, you need to step up your game.
First of all, your protagonist is silent and I know nothing about them. I haven't even seen them, other than their hand. Viewers have no way to empathize or even relate to the conflict your character is facing and will become bored. You should make sure to add character development in the next few entries, or even an introduction video for Mark. That's what Vlogs are for, videos about yourself.

Next, you've jumped straight to the chase with your distortion, yet didn't have Slender Man. You set the audience up for excitement, then let them down without closure. It's already Pavlovian for people to expect Mr. Tall-and-Faceless when they hear/see distortion. If you don't reward them, they'll quickly become bored with the entry. Be stingy with the special effects in the beginning. The minor distortion when you approached the symbol was perfect for the situation. Save the big guns for when you need them.

Finally, your use of the Operator symbol and Vaguely-Threatening-Non-Plot-Related-Drawing is unfortunately unoriginal and trite. If this isn't an homage, having a symbol isn't even important. However, if you really feel one is necessary, make sure that it is original and of actual importance to the plot, not just a horror trope to creep out viewers. Plan out a majority of your plot before you even start filming your first entry, it'll help prevent loose ends and plot holes. Being original can be hard, but is worth it in the long run. If you're having trouble coming up with completely original content, take a theme from another series you liked and think of a way to make it even better. Use it as a springboard to create your own original, terrifying ideas.



TL;DR:
1. Character Development
2. Be sparing on the distortion.
3. Plan your Plot
4. Be Original/Make it Better


Last edited by Zephyr_Mal on Sun Dec 23, 2012 1:06 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Snipped a piece)
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DarkShadows
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Sun Dec 23, 2012 8:54 pm

Well I can't give my opinion on this right now, because I've got somewhere to go soon! Although going by Zephyr's post, it might not have been all that great anyway. Still I am a bit disappointed I didn't get to see it and form my own opinions, so I'll just give you a few quick general pointers for if what Zephyr says is true.

First of all, remember that subtlety is everything in these series. The best vlogs and blogs start out rather mundane or not even slightly relating in any way to Slenderman at all. You don't need to start right In Media Res unless your situation really, really calls for it; that can leave a viewer confused and expecting more, which sets them up for disappointment in the long run if you fail to deliver bigger and better things.

Second of all, think of the plot, the story you're telling in this collective universe. This isn't as hard as it sounds - plots for any story follow a same basic pattern: What incites the action? What occurs on the way to the big twist/climax? What IS your big twist/climax? What happens after that, and how does the story conclude? There can be small mini-climaxes and twists in the rising and falling action, but they are never quite as important or major as the big twist/climax is. Plan out the basics of your story and what you want. Remember - everything has Tropes including the Mythos, but Tropes Are Tools, not crutches. Series like CaughtNotSleeping are not popular or considered good because they did the same exact thing as Marble Hornets or TribeTwelve, but because they did something different with tropes from those series. Play with the Mythos and spin it the way you want. Don't feel like you're obligated to tell a story just like the basic vanilla Slenderstory, which the Big Three were basically the template for.

Third, if you give us lots of distortion we're going to think Slendy's right there and is soon to be revealed, it's kind of expected in the Mythos both in- and out-of-game. If you give us a little, we'll be interested because we know it means Slendy is around somewhere, although not necessarily right there. Point is, we see static, and our radar goes on waiting for the Big Guy to pop up. Think about the situation and what would be appropriate. Is Slenderman really going to attack your protagonists right then and there, and would it make sense for him to do so at that point in the plot? If yes, fine, go for it. If no, then use a more subtle indicator that our Tall Gentleman is around, maybe a more subtle type of distortion. You can even tease the audience with the distortion, maybe making it very, very subtle and infrequent, then never showing Slendy until the big climax or twist. You can even give small glimpses but never a full glimpse. It depends how much you want to string the audience along and how much you want to save the big bad for later. Remember - a payoff that you put off until later is almost always better than a payoff done too soon.

Fourth, make the audience feel for your characters. Make them want to see them survive. Make the audience become upset when they suffer. The tension, horror, and drama in a Slenderman series partially comes from the Faceless Bastard himself, yes, but another good chunk of it also comes from identifying with the characters being placed in the path of this entity, from the audience wondering what they would do in that situation, and from seeing the heartbreaking and horrifying things these characters must endure over the course of their struggle. Because honestly, the protagonist in any horror story is really the vector through which the audience experiences the horror, taking the adventure with this character into their own nightmares Write about what scares you, and when concerning this Mythos, what about Slendy in particular scares you. Emphasize your fear, and if you're really good, the audience will begin to understand and feel that fear as well. Even if it doesn't scare you terribly, write it like it does. Smile

And finally, in my opinion your title "MarkRitter0" is a bit of a giveaway that this is a Slenderseries. You may want to be more subtle and draw the viewer in. Again, think about your plot and give a name truly fitting to the scenario.
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sethlapod555
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:33 am

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freddyman23
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Mon Dec 24, 2012 2:49 am

thank you DarkShadows and Zephyr_Mal for your advice, I will try and step up my game and add more character development.
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Zephyr_Mal
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:57 pm

freddyman23 wrote:
thank you DarkShadows and Zephyr_Mal for your advice, I will try and step up my game and add more character development.
I'm looking forward to it! Very Happy
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Packfong
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:19 pm

I'll be honest, I didn't like the note cards when MH did them. But if you do them, please make sure your grammar and spelling are correct: I caught a lot of errors. If spelling/grammar aren't your forte I advise running them through a spellcheck on your word processor or one online.

I liked your Slendy, if that was him; I would have liked to see more of him, though.

I also liked that the video was short. I'll probably say this to the day I die: most videos don't add much to the plot by being longer. I think your video could have had more substance but I appreciate a quick video to decide whether I like it or not.
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DarkShadows
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Sun Jan 06, 2013 7:35 pm

Packfong wrote:
I'll probably say this to the day I die: most videos don't add much to the plot by being longer. I think your video could have had more substance but I appreciate a quick video to decide whether I like it or not.

Good point, Packfong. I get a bit annoyed at series that think they need to make 10-15 minute long videos all the time. There shouldn't be all that much reason to do that unless something really, really big is happening. It's like a special episode of a show in comparison to just your average episode.
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freddyman23
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Wed Jan 09, 2013 5:57 am

Me and my friend have been developing a new mythos and lots of planing to span out thru the videos leading up to something big.
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PostSubject: Re: MarkRitter0   Today at 1:25 am

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