Fucking...

Subject: Fucking... Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:49 pm

You know, I'd left this forum a long, long time ago because I didn't feel necessary anymore. Because I couldn't get close to any of the new members. Maybe it's just my attitude, or maybe it's just that I'm narrow minded. But there's one single fucking factor I know is related.

I was just a kid. I was 14 years old when I started talking to Doc. It took a while for me to warm up to him (just a little bit prior, my brother had left, and that was hard to stomach), but eventually I did and I never wanted to be apart from him. I'd wait hours for him to come online, just to talk to him. He was my best friend. I could tell him everything, and he'd comfort me. He was a bit more like a lover than anything else.
Around a year later Doc and I were talking and he says that he loves me. That he wants a future with me. I was so fucking stupid I fell for it. Once the drama started, I backed off. I find out he was already in a relationship with someone else, and he's a fucking sleaze. He was trying to cheat, and he was using me. Way to kill some newly formed trust, eh?
Now, a bunch of my old friends invited me into a little group, and I missed them. But I'm too scared to open up to them again. I'm too scared to open up to anyone anymore.

Now, you will fucking listen to me, Doc.
I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU. And look what you did! I'm too fucking scared to talk to anyone because I fear they'll use me JUST LIKE YOU DID. I'm sure it doesn't keep you up at night like it does me. Do you remember that time I called you, in tears, confessing I'd done something dumb, and you comforted me with empty fucking words? Because I do. I remember everything you said to me.

For months I wanted you to be hurt, somehow, some way, like you hurt me. I never felt guilty over that. Not once did it cross my mind. But now, no. Now I realise it's not enough. I want you to die alone. Just like I fear I'm going to because of you.

Subject: Re: Fucking... Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:32 pm

Wow... This is a side of things I haven't heard yet...

Um...

I'm sorry all that happened. Not sure what else to say, except that I hope you feel better soon.

Also, You shouldn't believe you're gonna die alone because of something some guy did to you. Guys do stupid sh@&. You don't have to forgive them, but you shouldn't let it ruin your life.

Subject: Re: Fucking... Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:57 pm

This is... quite the thread.

Let me just tell you this, Various: things happen for a reason. These sort of things happen to virtually anyone. I've been heartbroken and double-crossed before, but I learned to move past all of it. And now I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me as much as I love her.

What I'm trying to say that life is like writing a book: as you keep writing, you'll hit some roadblocks, you'll feel discouraged, you might regret what you've written, and some parts of your writing might make your heart twist and crack, but you have to keep writing, and eventually you'll write yourself many happy chapters. You just have to have the courage to pick up the pencil.