Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
Subject: EmeraldSky47 Fri Feb 28, 2014 7:47 pm
I started working on this series last year. It's something I'd been wanting to do for a while, and from January to July I searched for various locations I could film at and tried to develop a story. The actual story was rewritten several times before filming and during the filming of some episodes, which I'm personally not proud of. It wasn't until September of 2013 that I finally uploaded the first video Awakening to my channel.
As for the series itself, it could be better. A lot of the videos were edited in Windows Live Movie Maker, a program I absolutely despise but am unfortunately stuck with. A couple of the later episodes were edited in Adobe Premier. Most of the effects are done using After Effects. The acting... Could be better. Some of the episodes are just my character giving exposition for ten minutes. So far in the series, I've played the parts of
Spoiler:
the main character Ian, one of the masked men, and the Slenderman.
I haven't been able to get any of my friends to help me with this series for various reasons.
I want this series to get better, I really do. If you have the patience to sit through the mediocre acting and special effects, then I guess you can give it a watch. Any good or bad feedback or suggestions are appreciated; I'm prepared for the worst.
Links in the signature below.
JadeLightningDash Anxious
Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Mon Mar 03, 2014 1:00 am
Watched the first entry. Interesting setup. I subscribed, will be checking back later when I get the time
EDIT: Ok so here is my verdict. Firstly from a technical point of view I think you have done quite well with the audio design in several of these episode, especially the one in the forest. If I was you I would even out the levels a bit though, as I constantly have to turn my volume up and down when I'm watching your series. (turn down the sound fx a bit and bring up the camera sound.) I also think the visual effects are decent.
Now I have a bunch of ideas as to how you can improve storywise, but I'm going to mention just one of them for now, for the sake of clarity. What your series desperately needs is more characters. Human interaction is one of the most fundamental parts of storytelling, it not only makes us care about your character, but actually makes it way easier to achieve good acting, as you have someone to react to. I know you said that you have had difficulty getting your friends to help out, but I think you should really consider giving it another shot, as great things could come from it.
Thank you very much for the advice.
I'll try to make the audio distortion not as loud. I'm slowly implementing some ARG elements into the series, including the In Game twitter account. In the latest episode that uploaded today, the main character has some leads and asks The Audience for advice on where he should go first. Depending on the Audience's decision, this could move the story in a positive or negative direction (Ex,: The main character finds more vital information, OR finds useless information and is ambushed by the antagonist.) I'm trying to allow some more interactivity in the show. I've managed to get some of my teachers to play a small role in one of the upcoming episodes. They will only be able to be in maybe one or two episodes of the series. Even though their roles are small, they play a big part in the episode and adding to the mystery of the series. I'll see if I can get my friends involved in the series as well.
Any other feedback is appreciated.
JadeLightningDash Anxious
Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Sat Apr 05, 2014 2:33 pm
PointlessTest wrote:
Now I have a bunch of ideas as to how you can improve storywise, but I'm going to mention just one of them for now, for the sake of clarity. What your series desperately needs is more characters. Human interaction is one of the most fundamental parts of storytelling, it not only makes us care about your character, but actually makes it way easier to achieve good acting, as you have someone to react to. I know you said that you have had difficulty getting your friends to help out, but I think you should really consider giving it another shot, as great things could come from it.
I called my friend today and asked him if he was still interested in doing the series; he said he was. I told him about whats happened in the story so far, various locations we could film at, and exchanged some ideas. I won't be able to film many episodes with him until May, June, and July because we're both busy with school at the moment.
Any feedback is appreciated.
JadeLightningDash Anxious
Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
In this entry, Ian argues with his teachers, breaks into and steals some top secret information, defies authority, crosses over into the Twilight Zone, coughs up a lot of blood, yells at the sky, cries, and loses his self-esteem.
PointlessTest Observer
Posts : 186 Current Win Points : 59 Join date : 2013-05-27 Age : 20
Well I have one piece of general advice, that I would give to most series, and that is to make your protagonist be able to accomplish a bit more. This is by no means easy to write into a slenderman story, as Slenderman by most peoples definition is not really an entity you can do damage to or ever defeat. But if the character is not able to accomplish anything with his actions, there is less suspense, as he is simply at the mercy of the world.
This sense that the characters can make a difference can be done in many ways, such as: - Showing that the character has a life outside of the whole Slenderman situation, which though it might suffer as a result of his presence, still contains triumphs in the characters personal life and other projects. - Have the protagonist be able to resist some of the antagonists, such as proxies, cult members, bullies or what have you to a certain extent
I definitely think you are going in the right direction getting some more people on board wih your project. I would also suggest searching facebook for any film making groups in your local area. You'd be surprised how many passionate film makers are out there looking for people to work with
Thanks for the advice. When you say that the character should accomplish more, does that mean he, for example, finds more clues or information that help the character progress in the story? Or when he finds a clue that's in a secret code, is able to solve the code and read the hidden info? Also, should my character be more stronger? There are a couple entries where my character cries due to the traumatic situations he experiences,
Spoiler:
Remembering his encounter with the entity when he was in elementary school, getting stabbed, getting teleported to the forest dimension, etc.
This probably makes him look really weak and sensitive, but I guess it's supposed to add a bit of realism. As for the characters personal life, I definitely have ideas for future entries involving his struggles with having a normal life while being stalked by this entity. I'll try asking some people if they're interested in helping with the series.
Any other feedback is appreciated.
PointlessTest Observer
Posts : 186 Current Win Points : 59 Join date : 2013-05-27 Age : 20
Ian goes to North Park, crawls through a sewer, finds a journal, and gets chased by that "deformed dog thing."
SPOILIOPS:
A totheark inspired proxy video, with cryptic messages and stuff.
Part 1 of 2
Part 2 of 2
Moderator Edit: Holy crap that took forever to condense. - AvatarSatsuki
Avatar Satsuki Taken
Posts : 483 Current Win Points : 72 Join date : 2011-06-09 Age : 34 Location : Hiding in my room with a flashlight and camera.
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Sat Jan 24, 2015 10:40 am
To forum user and content creator JadeLightningDash: Please see rules on double and multi posting. If you have an update to this thread please send video to either Tails or myself. This post serves as a warning and a thread bump.
JadeLightningDash Anxious
Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Wed Mar 18, 2015 5:13 pm
Avatar Satsuki wrote:
To forum user and content creator JadeLightningDash: Please see rules on double and multi posting. If you have an update to this thread please send video to either Tails or myself. This post serves as a warning and a thread bump.
Darn. Sorry for any inconvenience I might have caused. Where and how do you want me to post any future updates?
Avatar Satsuki Taken
Posts : 483 Current Win Points : 72 Join date : 2011-06-09 Age : 34 Location : Hiding in my room with a flashlight and camera.
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Sat Mar 21, 2015 9:41 pm
You may continue posting here, but you should inlist the help of Tails or I to keep from double posting.
JadeLightningDash Anxious
Posts : 73 Current Win Points : 42 Join date : 2014-02-04 Age : 27 Location : The Dimension of Imagination
Subject: Re: EmeraldSky47 Sun Jun 21, 2015 11:37 pm
Fri Feb 28, 2014 7:47 pm
