Another short story,

I once dreamed of a place, in a far off land, where everything seemed right. I remember lush forests of greens and reds all year long, with creatures that sang out with joy. I can remember the beautiful cities of marble and brick, bustling with people of all kinds. Clean air and blue skies, constantly filled with shining stars, even during the day. This land of beauty and joy became my home and my sole source of joy.
For a year, I dreamt of this place, of its beautiful cities and wonderful people. I made friends with its people, unlike in the waking world where I knew no one. My closest friend and I walked together along the shores of my new home, hand in hand with shining faces and brilliant smiles. We spent every moment together in this paradise.
In a year, I was married with the beginnings of a family. Time meant nothing here, a year felt like a century, and it did not matter at all how much time I spent here. For the first time in my life, I was truly happy.
This marvelous city of marble and brick and my beautiful new bride with child made my life worth living. Before I began dreaming, I wanted to die. In fact, this all started because I wanted to die; one day I was fed up with this relentless cycle of life, so I decided to end it. Sleeping pills were my method, and sleep is what I got. Apparently, I had not taken enough; perhaps it was subconscious because I may have truly not wanted to die.
Regardless of what I may have been thinking, I took them. I slept for hours, only to feel truly alive for the first time. My dreams continued for years, mostly because I spent next to no time awake. My small family grew and we were having the best of times together, living the life I would never have while awake.
I was the happiest during those times, until the dreams stopped. No matter what I did, they would not come back.
We were about to have our third child before I drifted back into consciousness. I was so excited, but before I knew it, I saw the blinding sun above me. I panicked, seeing the real world for the first time in god knows how long. I could smell the rotten stench of death around me, only to realize it was my own flesh.
My body had deteriorated; apparently I had been thrown out into the street when I lost my home. I had oozing infections and bubbled skin, god did it hurt. Checking my surroundings, I was in an alley that was covered by trash. I checked my clothes, a hole filled coat, a black tshirt, and nearly destroyed denim jeans.
I could not even begin to tell you how long I had been away from my body, but I can tell you that I need to get back to my family. They’ll be so upset if I am gone for too long. First things first, I went to search for my stash of sleeping pills that I had hidden away. I took one and felt nothing. Knowing there would be no immediate effect I took another for good measure, along with a painkiller.
My skin was crawling and burning, my stomach growling, I felt nearly dead. I needed to go to the doctor, but I decided it would be a better decision to take the rest of the sleeping pills.
I started panicking, I was not feeling tired. I started counting the seconds as I walked back to the alley that I had found myself in. The minutes started passing, no impending sleep. Minutes, then seconds, then more minutes, hours… The time passed and I started to sweat, maybe it was a fever, maybe it was my skin. I don’t know, I need to get back. I’d give anything to get back.
I sat alone in my thoughts and paranoia, still counting down the time. It had been an hour now, maybe two, I don’t know. I never said I was good at keeping track of time.
I sat down in the pile of trash that I had woken up on. I felt a sharp pain in my hand as I set it to the ground. Looking down, I could see red. What the fuck? There was blood? What the hell did I put my hand on? I looked, and there it was, the answer to all my problems, it was a razor blade.
Just enough to pass out for a while, just enough to get back. Enough to apologize for leaving and to get my life back together. Just a little…
The blood started to flow, only a little at first and then more. I could feel myself slipping away, little by little.
I was there again, in my home. Instead of greetings with hugs and kisses, there was silence. The more I looked, the more I saw that the house had fallen apart. It was old, not the bright and happy home that I had left behind with my beautiful family.
They left me behind, not knowing that I was only a few hours away from returning. God, what did I do. Where did they go? This is just too much.
For the first time since arriving in my dream world, I felt pain. It was a stinging and then a burning. I could feel my skin being torn apart and the warm blood trickling down my arm in tiny drops. Ripping a piece of my shirt and bandaging it up as quickly as possible, I set out on my quest to find my family.
Walking for what seemed like forever and ruining my favorite shirt, I decided it was near time to give up. I made it to my city of marble and brick with it’s beauty, but it felt empty. The smiles of my friends were replaced with grim expressions. I asked and asked about my family, only to be pointed in opposite directions.
I sat down next to the cobblestone road leading out of town. The pain in the wrist was growing stronger by the moment, but I ignored it. Yet again it was dripping through the makeshift bandage, but I ignored it again.
I ripped the fabric off, done with dealing with trying to take care of it. Clearly, it wasn’t going to stop bleeding, so I couldn’t bring myself to care anymore. The blood rushed out a bit more. I don’t understand why there was so much blood, I don’t even think there was this much in my body.
As I pondered the wonders of my bleeding body, I saw my wife in the corner of my eye. I looked up and stared at her and she looked appalled. The second that we met each other’s eyes, she ran off in the opposite direction. I got up and ran, or hobbled rather with a never-ending trail behind me.
I caught up with her after a chase and growing weak, but I made it. I screamed at her to wait as she closed a door of a house behind her. Was this her new home? I watched her though a window as she hugged a strange man and smiled at me. She knew I was looking and yet she did this to me?
What is going on here? Why was she doing this and where were the kids?
It’s like she knew what I was thinking and instantly pointed in a direction as she kissed this strange new man. I looked over, and to my horror there were headstones to the right of the house she had entered. These headstones were engraved with the names of our children and reason of death.
They were murdered. Who murdered them?
I looked back at her as she smiled again. She stared at me and pointed in my direction.
I didn’t murder them?
She stopped smiling and walked away. I couldn’t see anything but could hear screams and a shot. She walked to the window, covered in blood. She killed the strange man, and smiled over it. She took the gun up to her own head and shot herself causing blood to splash against the window pane.
I looked down at my wrist again to see that the bleeding had stopped, I couldn’t feel anything in the moment, not even the pain. I didn’t understand any of this…
The pain started again and in one other moment it stopped. In that moment, my real body died. I killed my children and my fantasy world when I died.
I don’t know how or why this whole thing started because I wanted to die, but all I know is that I am stuck here in a realm where everyone hates me and I have been accused of murder. I can’t get back to my body and all I feel is pain.
Please help me.