The Corrupt a Wish Thread

Granted.

But the lawyer prosecutes you for owning a slave in the form of the genie.

I wish for a better damn memory.

Granted

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I wish for a soda that combines mango and peach.

Granted.

But it turns out it tastes awful.

I wish I had a billion dollars.

Granted.

It's all covered in napalm.

I wish we were in the future.

Granted.

Sadly the future is a horrifying place where humanity have no freedoms and governments are puppets for soulless megacorporations who have stripped Earth of all beauty and wealth.

I wish humanity was more intelligent.

Granted.

However, humanities new found intelligence has attracted vicious space aliens that enslave humanity for thousands of years, until the earth is barren and the human race is extinct.

I wish congress did something good.

Granted.
But you have to kill 50 innocent virgins first.

I wish I didn't have to exist.

Granted.

Sadly your existence is ended by a cataclysm that annihilates the rest of the human race along with you.

I wish I had more motivation.

Granted, but you are now so motivated that when trying to complete a simple task, it takes you forever to do it because you have to complete everything down to the finest detail.

Spoiler:

I wish it was sunny out.

Granted but it gets to "Sunny" and everyone burns to their death

I wish for an army of Masky's

Granted but it is only an army of these maskies:



I wish for a Toblerone bar

Granted.

It's from a faulty production batch and is full of razor blades.

I wish I could vaporise my hair so I wouldn't have to shave (or more accurately neglect to shave until the beard becomes uncomfortable), and also save money on haircuts.

Granted, but you also accidentally vaporize your own face, killing yourself. Also, you didn't have to get haircuts after you died, so a good amount of money that would have been used for the haircuts you would have gotten before you vaporized your own face by accident, was saved up, but then someone stole it.

I wish my hair didn't curl up when I grow it out.

Granted, but suddenly you turn bold.

I wish for a new Doom game

Granted, but it ends up being terrible.

I wish to win more often when i buy scratch tickets.

Granted, you win a million dollars, but you spend it all and now you have nothing.

I wiz taht me haz good englis talks

Granted, but someone cuts your tongue out

I wish for 9000! masks from masky all signed by tim

Granted, but the masks ended up being from some other, completely different person named Tim, and the masks are his way of taunting you.

I wish for a Lincoln Town Car.

Granted. But you bought it from a shady dealer and a few days later, as you drive it through a heavily populated area, terrorists set off the bombs they had packed in that particular vehicle, causing a massive explosion that kills 43 people and injures 32 others. You maraculously survive, but the explosion is blamed entirely on you and you go to jail for the rest of your life, which isn't long because one of the people killed in the explosion was the beloved little sister of the most vicious inmate there. He and his underlings then proceed to slowly and mercilessly torture you to death, then tear your body to shreds and discreetly feed said shreds to the guard dogs when the guards weren't looking.


I wish I had an amazing, loving girlfriend who loves anime, cosplay, and Japan as much as I do. (Yes, I myself am a girl, and yes I did mean to say GIRLfriend. If you don't like it, to bad, get over it.)

Granted. But she also turns out to be psychotically jealous. Every bit of attention from anyone else makes her both terrified and angry. She kills you and buries your corpse under her house to keep you near her.

I wish I didn't need to sleep so much.

Granted. but you get bored and decide to go to sleep again.

I wish for a pet dragon

Granted, but it flies away and you never see it again.

I wish for a cookie.

Granted. But it's the nastiest cookie ever made, a dug cookie with insect and chemical waste filling. You die from the first bite.

I wish I was motivated enough to finish writing and posting a fanfiction.

Granted, but when you post it on the internet, a hacker hacks into the entire internet and destroys everything in the internet, rendering your posted fanfiction as unreadable to anyone but yourself because the internet has been destroyed.

I wish for an indestructable car.

Granted, but the seats have spikes coming out of them and the driving wheel is made of razor metal.
I wish that every asshole in the world would die.