Slender Blog Critiques

AdmirableJellyfish wrote:

I have a blog here that I would love to get some critique of.

I just finished your blog!

I like the pace you have/had going. You built your main character very well and have been building a nice steady downward slope.

HOWEVER BE CAREFUL WITH THIS WHOLE GROUP THING

I think this is shaky ground. It could either go well or go bad, and I don't think this current arc is as good as the last. So be cautious.


Oh and Broeckchen thanks~ :3

Well if where having a shameless plug critique party... SHAMELESS PLUG IS OHHH SO SHAMELESS

Hah! But are you as shameless as Me?!?!

-_- you may fire when ready, Gridley. This is going to hurt.

AS- Your blog is FANFUCKINGTASTIC. MOAR CHARACTERIZATION OF SIDECHARACTERS. MOAR HISTORY. YOU ARE BREAKING NEW GROUNDS ERRDAY. GTFO OF NAPPA THOUGH.

But seriously. No NAPPA. I want more of everything. Also you make me feel special inside everytime you comment~~~

Eh, might as well post mine

http://timebleedsarchangel.blogspot.com/

I know it may seem to be just a bunch a random shit happening right now. Which is mostly because I'm terrible at getting my stories started. Rest assured I have actually planned out where all this is going.

Why not?

http://awandandaprayer.blogspot.com/

Eh, Just a little intervention... While it's okay to "plug" the own blog here, this is still first and foremost a critique thread. If you want to put your own blog in here, it would be appreciated if you gave critique too - this is not the Shameless Blogplugging Tiem Thread. I'm just saying because it seems to evolve into exactly that.

Of course I'm not talking to the ones who announced some archive-binging and review to come here. I'm cool with you. But I'd appreciate people not posting here if they won't be able to give critique as well as critique material, thankyouverymuch~<3

ChaosGamma wrote:

Eh, might as well post mine

http://timebleedsarchangel.blogspot.com/

I know it may seem to be just a bunch a random shit happening right now. Which is mostly because I'm terrible at getting my stories started. Rest assured I have actually planned out where all this is going.

It does seem fairly random at the moment, but so far it seems well written and the main character is sufficiently disturbed enough to be a good proxy. I would like to see a bit more character development though. For the moment I have no idea why I would want to read this since he just seems to be your normal dime a dozen Proxy.

On the positive side, I would love to see more posts like "Fun, Fun, Fun" It was the best read out of all of them so far.

While this is largely a shameless plug, I do intend on giving a critique on some of the blogs if I can find time to read through them.

Keep in mind, I only write for one of these characters, but I'm still interested in opinions on the story as a whole. It is long, but the story has been going on for some amount of months now.

Father of Light
From the points of view of Michael Henry Abner (Michenab) and Kal Jamison (Kalias).

Vox93
From the point of view of Damien (Setoth).

Smiting the Gods
And of course, the much more well known Arkady Ivanovich Svidrigailov.

I've been curious to hear anything about the story beyond Arky's adventures for a while and any amount of feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Ahh. Courtesy is important. So here are my thoughts on Now You Know!

Now You Know: The thing about Now You Know so far? Brilliant ideas, but rushed. You start with Gabe on the run, we watch Gabe running through these fantastic scenarios, but it's moving far too fast. Slow the story down, take more time to flesh out where he is and what's happening around him. You could have spent weeks on that slow paranoia as Gabe's friends were disappearing, and his own internal frustrations regarding Addie...and then have his world break apart in a glorious crescendo of "I have no alibi." There was so much potential in starting during those early arcs and showing us the slow decline from Sane, Rational human being into totally nuts man on the run.

Advice for the future: You have a lovely new plot element, take the time to show Gabe's thoughts and individual days. You may be too far along his character arc for the rising tension you want, but you might be able to put it back together. Slow down. Give us time to get comfortable in who your character is. Then start chipping away at the world he thought he had.

Always remember: Pacing is key. It doesn't matter what the idea is, if you don't pace it appropriately, you'll either have too little detail, or you'll get us bogged down in the details. Take your time. You're showing us someone's own little slice of hell. You need us to KNOW that hell by the time the end comes.

Looks like it's my turn, but before I go, I'd like to thank you AS, that was the first review I've ever gotten for my blog other than "It's good". It's always nice to have feedback.

I took a look at ChaosGamma's Blog Time Bleeds and I was a little confused on the first three posts, but I did enjoy the excerpt of Edgar Allan Poe. I had just recently finished a research paper on him and it was quite fitting.

Another thing that really caught me, when you threatened redlight. I found it insanely hilarious, thank you for that.

As for your character in general. He's kind of a nice asshole? I'm not sure how I would put that, but he seems to be completely fine with working for the Tall One and you have not seen many blogs like that. It's also where you differ from Reach's blog, even though he had the revelation and such, that's how his blog started.

But as it progresses you seem to have inside problems between the network of proxies. You're delving more into the proxy business which is quite fine but also very risky, I love your writing style so I can see it going quite well.

All and all, I give this one a follow. (I had to fucking say that )

@Jeebs:

I just finished binging on your blog. I agree that your pacing is a bit too fast.

However, I do like what you are doing lately. Though I would have liked to actually see more Addie before she died.

I like the new direction, but tread carefully! This is slippery ground man.

*throws fateworsethandeath.blogspot.com up for shooting practice*


I have a certain literary goal in mind, it's impossible to reach, but I'll take any opinion I can get

Well, I guess you can say this is me coming out of the proverbial Slender blogger closet. My blogs are ones that may or may not be well known, depends on who you are, and them being put on this thread may be a shocker to those who consider me...I dunno, a "god" or whatever, but I'm gonna put them here and ask for critique anyway.

My blogs are:

http://openthedoorandyouwillfindme.blogspot.com/

http://helpingthosehelpthemselves.blogspot.com/

Yup. I'm THAT guy.

Alright, as for personal critique, I'll go in order of blog:

For Seeking Truth, I would have done more research, both for Zeke's job and for Conaghan's. I would have looked more into the qualifications for becoming a detective and how old a regular vet would really be. There are points in the plot that could have been written much more tightly (the pass to give Zeke free reign against Conaghan? The hell was I on when I wrote that?). Despite being planned from beginning to end, there were points I could have definitely improved. Dialogue could have been better in places. The whole structure in general could have been a lot better than it was.

For Mystic, simply put, better planning. The Dreams in Darkness arc I was just on was more or less a process of planning and writing for the entire winter, from January to when I finished it up last week. Now I'm at a point where I'm not entirely sure where to go (of course, stuff also depends on upcoming events that may/may not take place within Zeke's world). Plot needs a little strengthening right now, which I shall take this little "hiatus", for lack of a better word, to work on.

Also, Mystic is not, has not, nor shall it ever be associated with Core Theory. It's just a blog title, people. Let's move on now.

Also, also, biggest critique I have: Actually get the fucking warehouse video out. I'm working on it, I swear.

That's what I have right now. I'd like to hear critique, and honestly, I'd rather get some negatives thrown my way than positives (that's right, LisaEvermore, I'm calling you out ), because I get enough positives, I wanna hear more about what I could have done better, so that maybe I can improve in the storylines to come.

Thank you all. Pea soup.

YOU'RE ZEKE STRAHM!?!?!?

EDIT: I forgot sarcasm and text don't mix.

ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

okay, real thoughts.

Video is a Must.

DiD crossover was an interesting choice, though I don't know it was necessarily a good one. I think its weaker than the previous arcs.

I like the introduction of a new character, Zeke's been solo for too long. He was starting to drag a bit in his Noirtastic solo entries.

I have no problems with the plot of seeking truth. Fantastic.

"Coming out of the Slender closet?" Oh, babe. You make me giggle with your assumption that anyone, ever, didn't already know. XD

Having said that...well, we've already talked about balancing out Zeke's likability vs. his rash violence, so I have nothing more to say to you. Just had to take a second to give you a hard time, as usual. XP

I promise I'll get round to reading and critiquing at least some of the blogs posted here -- time just isn't on my side right now. Blame work. x.x

I'd ask for critique, but I'm not that far in yet, symptoms are technically there, but so far most of the posts are photos or actually things that happened to me ffff--
I'll be trying my hand at critiquing everyone's this weekend when I have time, though :3

http://windowsandstreetcorners.blogspot.com
My blog. inb4 "OHMAHGAWD HAT SLENDY BLAGHHH"

NIGHTMAREriContrary wrote:

I'd ask for critique, but I'm not that far in yet, symptoms are technically there, but so far most of the posts are photos or actually things that happened to me ffff--
I'll be trying my hand at critiquing everyone's this weekend when I have time, though :3

I like you~<3

Also, to Tom:
I agree with the thought that the DiD arc might not have been a good idea. No, I really think it was a bad idea. I don't think so because of your blog alone though, I think so in terms of the whole Slenderverse.

Since you are member of this forum, you probably remember how people went all "Hey, Zeke used Redlight - totes makes Redlight canon!" on here. It will be like that with almost anything you touch. Having had one of the most popular Slenderblogs ever just does that to you. However, Dreams in Darkness was a strong an powerful story because it left so many things uncertain. Not knowing what of all the things Damien told us about was true and what wasn't was one of the greatest strength of the story.
However, since Zeke went and investigated things now you "made" a lot of the content of DiD "true". You confirmed it. As one of the Big Three, you therefore make it canon. I'm not fully up to date with your blog, but I believe that includes the cult, which was one of the biggest "PLEASE NEVER CONFIRM NOR DENY!"-things to me, especially because it was so... You know, it's not crazier than a tentacle monster stalking you, but you can perfectly well believe that an insane person just imagined it.

Someone already said to me that I could always disregard your blog as "canon", but let's face it: Not yours. It's just not possible. If I would write a Slenderblog in a world which doesn't contain Zeke Strahm, people would just laugh at me and then kick me out of their Slenderverse. So yeah, I think it was a bad idea to touch DiD (I know you had the support of a certain party there, but that doesn't change my opinion). In fact, I think it might be a bad idea to touch any other Slenderblog that's popular enough as long as one of its' strengths is leaving some things in the darkness. Unless, of course, you just strengthen that point even further in Zeke being unable to find out anything about them. So I'd like you to keep that in mind for future arcs - while Zeke might profit of a little sidekick, I think you as a writer should rather keep a bit to yourself.

That said, I can't explain why, but I didn't care for The Mystic as much as for Seeking Truth. I found myself devouring Seeking Truth in one go, only interrupting the read for food, bathroom breaks, work and randomly falling asleep because I was tired. For some reason, I don't even check on The Mystic regularly. It feels as if something was missing there that I can't put my finger on.

I noticed though, that I greedily read through the posts involving things about the past, like Zeke talking about that evening with Lizzie or his interaction with Eric. (Which brings me to another thing - your dialogues are good, but they would look more realistic if Zeke couldn't remember every word and if he summarised some parts of them instead of writing them out. That's just a minor point, but a lot of people in the blogsphere tend to do it and I just don't think that's good)
These bits caught me instantly. Most of the other posts, however, I procrastinated reading for a while. I didn't read the latest posts though, so I don't know how much the newbie in the plot might intrigue me again.

Long-ass wall-o-text, I know... sowwy. >.<

EDIT:
I just read through "Bleeding Time" too, because the critiques here intrigued me. In my opinion, it doesn't look random at all. I like the character very much because he's classy, and I've got certain suspicions about him, naturally.Also, reading "Fun, Fun, Fun" I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the thought of Iscariot de-memorying Jay with a smug smile, just to grin while watching the following Marble Hornets entry. My first Slenderverse fanfiction might be exactly that.~<3
It's not long yet, so there is not much I can see a trend of apart from good writing. I will follow this blog, though, and thusly might have some more stuff to tell you about it later on.

One little plus that I noticed because I talked about it in "The Mystic": I like how you handled the dialogue in "Fun, Fun, Fun". It seemed realistic to only quote parts and summarise others. Very well done.

I still don't know how I will cope with that in my blog, since I'm a dialogue-fag too. :<

By the way, a little request to everyone who critiques mine:

Spoiler:

Okay guys, I have to leave for class in a few minutes, but when I get back I am going to try and write a critique for all of the requested blogs. Aw yeah.

The only rule for this thread is: if you request to have your blog critiqued, you must critique someone else's. Doesn't matter who, just chose one and go with it, that way everyone is getting fair trade.

Delmonty wrote:

Okay guys, I have to leave for class in a few minutes, but when I get back I am going to try and write a critique for all of the requested blogs. Aw yeah.

The only rule for this thread is: if you request to have your blog critiqued, you must critique someone else's. Doesn't matter who, just chose one and go with it, that way everyone is getting fair trade.

I approve of this rule. ~<3

-cracks knuckles- Okay, let’s do this.

Still Remains Within and The Shower Scene: Okay, so, I wasn’t sure if you were saying all three of these were your blogs, but I scanned through them nonetheless! Keep in mind these may not as accurate due to me not having read them before, and not having time right now to really sit down and look through every entry. With this one there’s improper use of grammar/words being misspelled or pushed together that kinda turned me off. This guy is supposed to be a professional, right? Then s/he should write like one. That and I honestly had no idea what this blog, and The Shower Scene was about from the posts I read. >.>; Maybe try making it a little more clear?

The Hunter- I don’t really care for the structure of the blog. The blog archive at the bottom is very inconvenient. I would suggest putting it back on the side. I do like how he’s looking for the Rake though that’s a unique idea, and I say keep going with it. There aren’t that many entries to really judge it by though…

Exhausted by Wackness- I haven’t read this one before either, so bear with me, and I apologize if what I say doesn’t make sense. The main problem I was seeing as I scrolled through the first entries, is that the way you write- while fun and descriptive- reaches the point of being confusing because you go on and on and reference so many things in one paragraph. I’d say keep your tone, but maybe cut down on the extensive sentences just a smidgen.

Lost in a Dream- Ah! Here’s one I’ve read a little on! Okay, big point just by looking at the blog archive- you write /a lot/. While that is not a bad thing in some months, every month you have so many entries that anyone new glancing at your page is going to feel intimidated by the amount of posts and not want to have to read through them all. I’d say try cutting back on the amount of posts you make, and only make a new entry when there is something necessary to say, with the occasional filler in between. At least, that’s how I do it and you don’t have to follow my advice. >.>;

It’s all David’s Fault- As far as I can see, you have good pacing so far- keep it up! c: Let’s see…one thing I could say…your writing is a bit…flat, I guess is the right word? This may have changed as the blog goes on, but in the beginning the way your writing I imagine someone saying it in a monotone voice. Try putting just a wee bit more emotion into your posts and I think you’d be good. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense.

Live in the Light- Gosh, I feel bad cause’ I’ve only read one of these so far! >.>; A note from a glance at your archive- you seem to also have posted a lot after December. I think you’d have a post every day of the month, or even more, and to a reader that’s just way to much. Try to cut down on talking too much and think out when and what you’re going to blog about every month- it may help to better plan out your post number. I like your first couple of posts- it’s not too stereotypical and has just enough life in them that it draws me in. If I have time to read more, I’ll try and give you a longer critique, but as for now, don’t change your character because I like him so far. <3 (And it looks like according to Broeckchen, your blog is quite good, so I’m excited to read it.)

Make it Count- Oh hey, girlie. c: As a note, I started to read your waaaay back at the beginning of my blog phase, before I even thought about making any, so unfortunately I’m a little rusty. But I shall try my best! Okay, as I scroll through the entries, some of it is coming back to me. I love your character- I remember, and I still think, that Celeste was introduced quite well, and you really get a look into her mind in the first couple of months. As of right now I’m going to skip ahead and read some of the newer entries though. Whoopsie, getting sucked back into reading and I still have more to do- from what I can see, your involvement of the FBI is a good choice and you wrote them well. The only thing I’d mention at this point is that for some chunks of time it doesn’t really feel like a Slenderverse blog. And this is because I remember him being so important in the beginning, but as the blog goes on, it seems to become more minion and comrade centered. Which, while that is not a bad thing, means that Slender Man doesn’t really seem like a real major villain in your blog. Um, I hope that helped. >.>;

Now You Know- Okay, the first post kind of bothers me in that the character is discussing something serious and traumatic, but doesn’t give off the vibe as someone who cares, or is trying to hard to seem angry and traumatized and instead appearing not to be. It looks like…as you go on, that problem is sort of fixed…but the most recent entry is…well, I think it’s supposed to be scary, but unfortunately the way it was written doesn’t make it seem very intense at all. Not trying to be mean, just pointing this out. I think you may benefit from reading your posts aloud and seeing what works and what doesn’t when putting ellipses and stutters, as well as choice in words. c:

Records of Improbability- Oh hey, buddy. Why have I never read your blog until now? I’m actually unsure of what to crit as the way your write is very well done and every post has a point to it. Phew, there’s a lot to read so unfortunately I am unable to give a solid crit at this point in time. I’ll try and get back to you ASAP.

Time Bleeds- Hmmm, the problem I see is the mentioning of Redlight. I know Reddie is/are (a) community character(s), but you should never use Redlight unless you /absolutely/ have to. For the readers, it’s annoying if you make a post by him out of no where on your blog, especially as that has just begun. Before you take on the big dogs, try fleshing out your character more and making him more than “just another proxy”. And if you have plans to involve Redlight, make sure to e-mail his creator and see if what you’re doing is in character for Reddie. c:

A wand and a prayer- Oh hey, it’s Kay. C8 Okay, I remember the only big problem I had with yours was the fact that magic is mentioned and involved in the beginning, but as the story progresses Kay doesn’t use it ever again. Because of the name, the background, etc., it would make sense to incorporate it more.

Father of Light, Vox, and Smiting the Gods- I would crit the first two, but I haven’t read them yet. I do, on the other hand, keep up with Smiting the Gods. I honestly love the blog. The biggest issue I had was the post length. It’s not a problem all of the time, but there will be posts made that are insanely long and sprinkled with big words, amazing literary references, and a ton of stuff happening. To me, it made me confused and unable to read the whole post because there was just too much to take in. Try packing less into one post is what I’d say.

Seeking Truth and The Mystic- -SPIT TAKES- Oh, okay, I made a thread that Zeke actually commented in. -special feeling-
Alrighty- I’m gonna go ahead and say that Seeking Truth was just a damn good read. I remember going through this sucker in one day and then excitedly talking to my friend about Zeke and fangirling. That said, there were a few posts that could’ve been done better- the most notable being “the drunk post”. I believe you could have done more research on what someone drunk off their ass types like and it would have made the words “flow” better. Also, I know that Zeke performed some actions as a Detective that wouldn’t have been doable in real life, so more research on cops, laws, etc. would also have made the blog really come together.
I personally don’t care that you named the second blog The Mystic, as I myself have gotten so involved with Robert/Redlight. I believe what you could work on for The Mystic is to make Zeke talk more like he’s on, well, a blog. Narrative posts may be what you’re going for, and if that’s the way it is, keep it, but when he is able to type out word-for-word what he said, what the other guy said, etc. it makes the posts less believable. It also means that we get less emotion from Zeke so he sounds more like a robot. Having posts where the character is panicking, struggling to recall what was said, and speaking in clipped sentences makes the reader connect emotionally to the character. I’ve noticed that in Seeking Truth I was able to feel for Zeke more than now because there are so many dialogue posts. Also agreeing with taking on Damien’s story- as one of the big three in the blog world, when you say something happens, it is canon. Just be sure to be more careful with who you make Zeke get involved with and what story lines he decides to include himself in. (Also love the new character, bro.)

Windows and street corners- Your intro…lacked. There was no real reason given as to why Sam made the blog. Also, you jumped so quickly into Slendy-type material, that there wasn’t enough characterization of Sam to make me connect with him. Try slowing things down and fleshing him out. c:

BAM. OKAY. IT’S DONE. JESUS CHRISTO MY HANDS FEEL LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO FALL OFF. Hope all the crits helped you guys. ;v; And if I missed anyone tell me and I'll try and crit ASAP!

But... but... :,< *cries*

@Delmonty:

First of all, thank you so much!

Sorry about the archive binge :< I agree. I do write a lot, and I suppose looking at the other blogs it does look like it could be a problem. Hopefully this month I can cut down on the posts a bit, just to pace myself better.

But next month, the posts will be cut for sure, since Steph won't be visiting coffee shops as much.

Again, thank you so much for the critique <3

Now to decide who's blog I should critique >:3