Slender Blog Critiques

Any critiques of my blog(s)? It's very much in progress, and still really only near the end of the first act, but I'd appreciate pointers.

Delmonty wrote:

Sorry guys, no reviews in this post, what I did want to know is what you guys think of this...

WRITING QUIRKS:
Tony- Curses a lot, abbreviates words, uses italics, says "somethin'" "wishin'" etc., calls slender man "it"
Cathy- Uses - and / a lot, interrupts herself and continues on into a new sentence a line down, says um, er, uh, stammers, calls slender man "he" "him" "monster" etc.
Cynthia- doesn't capitalize anything except Mommy and Daddy (Slender Man), uses hehehehehe a lot, tends to rant and repeat certain words and take out spaces, will talk like a baby and then suddenly switch to sounding older

I made a list of how I have tried to write the characters and was wondering if they sound different enough if they follow these guidelines every post? I know as of late the posts haven't been as good as they could be, and half of this is on my own laziness while the other half is stress from school, and I want to improve them since things are starting to pick up. c:

ALSO! Any suggestions on how to make the reader know to read "Time to Talk" first and "Get Your Game Face On" and "The Eleventh Hour" second? I'm unsure of how to do this in a manner that doesn't mean posting OOG on their profiles or something...

Guidelines: GOOD. Just keep in mind what I said, especially about the -!

Suggestion: Get a buddy. Let them post confused "WTF?" comments on the blogs. Edit a link to "Time to Talk" into the first blogpost with a reference to the confused reader.
Or let two buddies do it in the comments of the first post of one of them.

All right chums, let's do this! I haven't wanted to post in here yet because it'd take quite a bit of time and I didn't want to plug my own until I had finished it.

So let's start with the first three. The Delmont Blogs.

I actually started with Tony's, and found it pretty easy to understand as a standalone blog. Tony is, on one hand, a likable character, a grizzled vetran who doesn't let anything get to him and who gives good advice. On the other hand, he's an asshole who is also

Spoiler:

. It makes readers very conflicted about him, especially if they really liked him before. I speak from experience here. The conflictedness, by the way, is a good thing.

Time to Talk I found a bit...dull. The story isn't particularly compelling, and the character doesn't quite click with me (though that may just be because I'm quite male, and Cathy is, well, not). I don't know what can be changed about it, but I think that it's really a personal opinion whether you like Time to Talk or Get Your Game Face on. Which is good on one hand--the story appeals to two different types of readers--but is bad on the other hand, as not everyone will enjoy the full story.

The Eleventh Hour is the tricky one. On one hand, Cynthia has a great character. On the other hand, the cryptic nature of her posts makes it hard to comprehend, and it's COMPLETELY impossible to understand without the context of the other two. I stumbled upon it early on, and had NO clue what I was reading. And then I read it again with context, and it made more sense, but was still annoyingly cryptic.

I'll do more soon. But for now, I'm throwing my own blog into the ring as well: Now I Shall Know You Again.

Alloflifedecays wrote:

Any critiques of my blog(s)? It's very much in progress, and still really only near the end of the first act, but I'd appreciate pointers.

I like these quite a bit! I started off with Old Celluloid, then when I realized the two of them went together, I had them both side by side. As far as Old Celluloid goes, you're a terrific writer, and I may follow you just for more movie reviews! I enjoy the interaction between the two blogs and Simon's reactions to the events we learn about in Kari's place. It's a very nice supplement.

Now on to Kari's place.. first of all, I like the pictures! That park looks gorgeous. Also, I <3 you forever for rainbow cake! The writing is more conversational and less technically proficient than Old Celluloid, which provides a nice contrast and fits better as a story-telling blog. The story itself is the important part with this one, and to be honest, I find it a little derivative. It's not bad by any stretch, but I'd love to see something to make it really stand out. A small-time example is the Nothing Is Scarier aspect of "Advancement"s -- paranoia to the point where there are pictures of absolutely nothing in places where a person should have no reason to be scared. Many blogs/vlogs go into Slendyeverywhere mode, but if you built a bit on this, it could add a nice layer of depth.

I'll definitely follow this to see how it turns out!

DaLadyBugMan wrote:

I'll do more soon. But for now, I'm throwing my own blog into the ring as well: Now I Shall Know You Again.

Okay, lets do this!

Andy, I don't remember if I've talked to you about your blog before. But here goes.

I loved your work here. You took what M was and I suppose still is and humanized it. We see lots of people trying to be Zeke or Zero and ultimately failing, but I think you are the first to take, and Deconstruct the Hermit.

At first I didn't like your blog very much, due to an originally unlikeable character. But as he became more and more broken, more and more ruined I was getting drawn in more and more.

I loved your characterization with Girl early on -especially the scene with the conflicting views of what went down in the city- but her arc was resolved too fast, I think. We barely knew her. And as the straw that broke the camels back, I would have liked to get more.

The way your bog ended was magnificent. Dat Post with Zero. Dat Poooooost. That's all.

----------------------
Vivere Disce

I just finished archive binging this blog as part of my effort to consume the whole of the Mythos.


You have written one damn fine Slenderblog. I consider this a classic of the "Normal Runner" variety. I never got to read Para-Not-So-Normal as I didn't get there in my binge in time but in all other details your blog is easy to imagine and Jean is easily relateable. Kim is/was sometimes hard to read but altogether this has been a fantastic ride. The scene in Kim's house was actually horrifying, which almost never happens to me in the Slenderblogs.

I like this recent turn towards depression, though I feel this route has been walked too many times. I loved the post about seeing Slendy with the two conflicting stories so much!



---------------------

folks, I'm Live in the Light

would love a review either here or in the Slender/Slander, especially as we have less than ten posts left to go.

thatthingyouhate wrote:

Alloflifedecays wrote:

shameless plugging.

reivew

Thanks a lot for this I'm glad you'e enjoying it so far. I have actually made a real decision to have as light a touch on actual Slender Man appearences as I can, because you're right, the "OMGSLENDERMAN'SHERESLENDERMANSTHEREBLAAAAAAGGGHH" blogs tend to get less scary. And yeah, you have a point about the story.While it's mostly going to have a characters/themes focus as opposed to a plot focus, once I'm done properly establishing everything, it'll go through a few twists and turns. I mean, if it's just another Slenderblog, how will I achieve my dream of a TVTropes page?

Eh, what the heck. The writer of Observe and Terminate has entered the structure, and wants to get some critiques on O&T up in here.

Will provide critiques for Seeking Truth and The Mystic: Very nice, but I feel it needs...less emphasis on flowery description. But, that's from a guy who's terrible at descriptive text.

Kay wrote:

Father of Light
Vox93

Anyone up to reading through these? The top one (FoL) is linked as my website and the bottom one can be found linked on FoL.

Please?

PTCCentralCommand wrote:

Eh, what the heck. The writer of Observe and Terminate has entered the structure, and wants to get some critiques on O&T up in here.

Will provide critiques for Seeking Truth and The Mystic: Very nice, but I feel it needs...less emphasis on flowery description. But, that's from a guy who's terrible at descriptive text.

I don't mean to offend you, but it would be great if you wrote... more. I mean, those aren't my blogs, but I bet Zeke'd like more elaboration on the topic, as all of us do. You can look at the other critiques in here to get an idea what you could talk about.

Michenab wrote:

Kay wrote:

Father of Light
Vox93

Anyone up to reading through these? The top one (FoL) is linked as my website and the bottom one can be found linked on FoL.

Please?

I'm trying to read Vox93 at the time, but honestly I never can focus on it long enough to even read through one longer entry. The design and the colours are giving me a headache and making me even easier to distract than I usually am. BUT that's not necessarily your fault, I seem to have a slightly shifted perception of what's pleasant to the senses than a lot of other people (for example I've got a problem with hearing voices which others find exceptionally easy to understand). So you should ask some more people about that design before you panic because of me.

Im chewing on Father of Light Right now. Critique to come soon.

IN THE MEANTIME.

----TIME BLEEDS----

So far this is an interesting and compelling blog. You have realistic main characters ( I really like Ridley) and a cool new concept for the Mythos. We are still early in to the plot but this is a blog to watch out for.

Broeckchen wrote:

PTCCentralCommand wrote:

Eh, what the heck. The writer of Observe and Terminate has entered the structure, and wants to get some critiques on O&T up in here.

Will provide critiques for Seeking Truth and The Mystic: Very nice, but I feel it needs...less emphasis on flowery description. But, that's from a guy who's terrible at descriptive text.

I don't mean to offend you, but it would be great if you wrote... more. I mean, those aren't my blogs, but I bet Zeke'd like more elaboration on the topic, as all of us do. You can look at the other critiques in here to get an idea what you could talk about.

Michenab wrote:

Kay wrote:

Father of Light
Vox93

Anyone up to reading through these? The top one (FoL) is linked as my website and the bottom one can be found linked on FoL.

Please?

I'm trying to read Vox93 at the time, but honestly I never can focus on it long enough to even read through one longer entry. The design and the colours are giving me a headache and making me even easier to distract than I usually am. BUT that's not necessarily your fault, I seem to have a slightly shifted perception of what's pleasant to the senses than a lot of other people (for example I've got a problem with hearing voices which others find exceptionally easy to understand). So you should ask some more people about that design before you panic because of me.

I'll see what the the person who writes for Vox thinks. Thanks for the feedback though! If the background and such doesn't change, perhaps you could copy/paste the posts to a more comfortable place to read? Just an idea, of course.

Im working through Father Of Light now. I'll have a critique for you tomorrow.

Yay! Thanks!

Broeckchen wrote:

I'm trying to read Vox93 at the time, but honestly I never can focus on it long enough to even read through one longer entry. The design and the colours are giving me a headache and making me even easier to distract than I usually am. BUT that's not necessarily your fault, I seem to have a slightly shifted perception of what's pleasant to the senses than a lot of other people (for example I've got a problem with hearing voices which others find exceptionally easy to understand). So you should ask some more people about that design before you panic because of me.

You should have seen what it used to be. Bright, lime green text on a white background with neon green wallpaper.

SickSlickMan wrote:

Also, Mystic is not, has not, nor shall it ever be associated with Core Theory. It's just a blog title, people. Let's move on now.

Ahhh, that makes me more interested.

Omega wrote:

Broeckchen wrote:

I'm trying to read Vox93 at the time, but honestly I never can focus on it long enough to even read through one longer entry. The design and the colours are giving me a headache and making me even easier to distract than I usually am. BUT that's not necessarily your fault, I seem to have a slightly shifted perception of what's pleasant to the senses than a lot of other people (for example I've got a problem with hearing voices which others find exceptionally easy to understand). So you should ask some more people about that design before you panic because of me.

You should have seen what it used to be. Bright, lime green text on a white background with neon green wallpaper.

I honestly miss that green, it was so prettyful.

Time to continue the critiques of the blogs I do know/have read in numerical order.

It's All David's Fault

Spoiler:

Live in the Light

Spoiler:

Smiting the Gods

Spoiler:

DaLadyBugMan wrote:

Smiting the Gods

Spoiler:

Not a fan of 19th century Russian literature are you?

It's not that, it's that, well, nobody BLOGS like that. Well, except for Arkady, evidently. A blog has to hold the attention, and it can't do that as well through long posts and thick prose.

DaLadyBugMan wrote:

It's not that, it's that, well, nobody BLOGS like that. Well, except for Arkady, evidently. A blog has to hold the attention, and it can't do that as well through long posts and thick prose.

I may be biased a little, but I've always enjoyed Arkady's writing. To each their own, of course, but the character has held my attention more than adequately.

Who has yet to be critiqued? *Looks around* I feel like doing one.

Zander wrote:

Who has yet to be critiqued? *Looks around* I feel like doing one.

*quietly raises hand*

Well...if you really want to, mine hasn't been done yet...and I wouldn't mind some criticism (even though I'm a post or two from the end...and it's kinda a bit long, and not great...)
It can be found right here...

Kay wrote:

If anyone here is still looking for a blog to review I just want to point out that these four still need to be properly reviewed:

Vivere Disce
Father of Light
Vox93
A Fate Worse Than Death

These, Pantsu~<3

Broeckchen wrote:

Kay wrote:

If anyone here is still looking for a blog to review I just want to point out that these four still need to be properly reviewed:

Vivere Disce
Father of Light
Vox93
A Fate Worse Than Death

These, Pantsu~<3

Delmonty already reviewed Father of Light and Vox93 a couple pages back, and Vivere Disce was covered by Slice and someone else too. I can't find a link to A Fate Worse Than Death in this thread either. So I'll review yours Shayde.

I'mma need a drink to get through all of that though.